i miss you.

oh gawd. oh gawd. you made me so happy. last night was simply so much fun. it got intense and i wish i could of stayed longer. i want you; all of you. :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :]

i have to stop. im being obsessive and clingy. its not like me.

IM CRUSHING HARD. eek.

i like life. yesyesyesyesyes. :] but FUCK YOU.

homecoming was lame. i left early. went to nicks house. that was fun. i love that kid, he makes me laugh. _______________________________________________ i want to see you really bad. i miss yer hugs.

its exciting to know i can like someone else, i havent like anyone since my last "ex." and im finally over him. ive moved on. were friends and thats where its staying. ______________________________________________ i like him. he likes me. lets see where this will go. i hope it goes somewhere. knock on wood. i cant jinx this. i wont. im happy.

hm. i cant wait. he cant wait. we both cant wait. he makes me happy. im not getting my hopes up, were friends(ish) for now. :]

crushing so hard, i wish i wasnt though. i dont want to get hurt in the end if it doesnt work out. oh well. i guess its better to put everything into it, instead of nothing at all? i dont know. i think i made that up. anyways, im just happy. id be completely satisfied if i was hanging with him today though. monday, i cant wait. <3

i just dont know. i shouldnt be happy. everything is a mess with the family. but everything else is amazing. this is confusing. i wish i could figure out my heart.

everything is amazing. or everything just is crashing down. i dont know the difference? i think thats a little obsurd.

everything just became insanely awkward yesturday but im good now. im so happy, the kid i think is so gorgeous was at the mall, and my friend said he was "digging" me, which made my night. :] im a dorkkah.

my lifes fucked up right now. bye.

its just strange right now. my parents are trying to bring this family back together because of whats happening. but i mean, i wish i could. i truly do. but how can i get over hatred thats been with me my whole life, they cant force me to love them again because of this situation. ah, i know. im horrible daughter. blahblahblah. maybe if i understood the problem, but i cant because no one knows the problem. its just not even making sense anymore. its force love which im not going to give them back. ive been the third child for all my life. i dont want to sound selfish, but like its never me. its always ryan has a problem or wheres cody, is he out smoking weed or drinking and shit. and then i come home and get all the blame on me. ah whatever. its done. i wish someone could tell me whats up, so i at least can be understanding of this. but im out of the group and i just want to be happy for once in my life. im already depressed and this will just make me more. so what the fuck am i supposed to do. i wish i knew some answers, thatd be amazing.

i dont even understand. nothing is making sense to me, i dont even care about my own brother. i love him to death, dont get me wrong. but i just dont know how to cope with this problem he is having. everyone thinks they know everything and its just annoying now. NO ONE KNOWS WHATS WRONG WITH HIM. i honestly just have no idea how to react. should i just be understand? should i cry? should i be pissed? should i be confused and figure it out? i just dont know. im in the "i dont care" mood and i shouldnt be there. i should care. this is just to fucking insane for me to handle.

fuck. i lead people on. this is bad. this is my biggest fault right here. im going to feel horrible, but i have to do this. ah. why do i lead people on? theres no point, i hurt them in the end and it surely does kill me every time. i dont want to ruin our relationship, but i dont like you like that. im sorry i have to do this. your truly just an amazing friend. !

i dont know. nothing exciting has happened. its pretty plain jane right now. dennis and noah like me high though, im more chill that way and funny i guess? me and dennis had an interesting but good talk the other day. i found out things about him that i never knew, he IS my best guy friend. oh and he found out that i regret not going out with jake. he got aggravated. i told jake that a week ago though, i guess he was just like what the fuck. he tried so hard to get me and i led him on. the past is the past though, its done. i really have to get out of this bum mood im in, but i cant and i dont know why. well whatever, bye.

i dont care anymore, and im absolutely okay with that.

im tired. im fed up. i hate fighting. arguing. bickering. but clearly it makes your day to see me mad. i cant put up with you anymore, i want to get out. you want me out. let me have my fucking license please and thanks. theres no point of our stupid arguments, im over them. you cant change me now, i am me. i dont care if you dont like the way i talk, im not trying to impress you. i do what i want and i say what i want, im a brutally honest person; you should know that. im just completely over it. you should do the same, its for your best interest. :] bye. cant wait to leave. <3

so pissed.