What a bad night! Dinner was a mess, my two little cousins were a little disaster, they can't even eat anything. Lets order them a $8 plate and they only ate 1/4 of their plate. I got pissed at my grandma for acting to old. She pisses me off to the extent that I wanted to just scearm at her. When I got home the first thing I did was call John because he makes me feel so much better after a bad day. Well he wasn't home, so I waited 2 hours for him to call me back. So we had a bad storm last night, and my parents freak when my computer is on when there is a storm out, so the power went out, and the computer restarted, so I couldn't turn it off right away. So my mom yelled at me to turn it off, I yelled back that I'm turning it off, and well she said that if I talk back to her or my dad, I'll get grounded. Whatever, so I went into my room and listened to some music, and still whenever I hear 'I don't want to miss a thing' I always end up crying, and I don't know why. So John fianlly did around 9ish and we talked till 10:40. It turned out that Teffra was having the group hangout at her place. Well I don't know why we couldn't have made plans on Saturday so that I could have gotten out of dinner with my wonderful family. So well, nothing new happened today. School is boring like always. John had cross country after school with Greg so I ended up walking home with Justin and Kruz. So anyways, I think my night is going to suck. My brother has a soccer game at 6:15, Im not going!! So I got no clue what I'm doing tonight..hopefully I get to see John for a bit:( oh well. Homework to do. -jess xo

wow! it's been a while since I wrote anything. lets see.. the last thing I really wrote about was fighting with my boyfriend, well that has changed, we really thought we were going to break up. but that has changed now he can't get enough of me and we arent fighing and i dont know, its different. its good. i can't wait to go camping with him in a week, we are going to Banff and RedDeer. but im busy ttyl <3

I'm waiting for you to come online! I need to know how it went. I'm worried about you. I can't believe that you actaully had to go there. Why yould your mom make you? It doesn't make any sense to me. Come Online!

Camping with John and talking spending time just us and not seeing friends made everything better. Which I'm so happy that everything worked out! Camping was so fun. John and I slept in a tent, and the first night I kicked him off the air matress and took all the blankets. It sucked that all of the provincal parks didn't allow alcohol. Oh well. Happy as could be! Jess

Less time together=no more fighting It's not going to work. 4 days to fix my jealousy and trusting problems.. I can do it.. but how?! Comment me if you know how. Please Unsure

My day started off fine.. I guess. It's been raining all day.. and tonight it is suppose to snow. I lost my soccer game and for the past couple of days, I've been feeling jealous. I think it is that I'm noticing that one of my best friends is now spending less time with our group of friends, she is 'busy' with school, work, adam, baseball and her drama presentation. She no longer wants to be with our group of friends and is making it seem like it is our faults. And I'm feeling that my other best friend is now becoming better friends with her.. they are on the same baseball team. And from what I know from Teffra, she doesn't like her that much. Which I am finding weird. Then my other jealously problem.. I'm finding that my second best friend is flirting again with my boyfriend.. okay, I've been jealous with this before, but I'm thinking that it is different this time. Ok.. they have per. 1, 3, and 5(spare) together.. but today was weird.. John was feeling sick so he went home after 4th.. thats what he told me. So I go to the cafe at 2:30 before I left for soccer, and Carlie asked where John was..I said he told me he was going home after 4th. She said oh.. well he came in here with Shawna and then they left.. so I was like what the fuck.. he knew that I was going to the cafe at 2:30 Why did he leave if I was going there if he was going to end up staying at school.Okay, so tonight, I told John how I felt at that time.. and hes like so I let you down.. he didn't let me down, I just felt second best, I guess. So I some how have to make sure that we are okay tomorrow, cause right now I feel so bad.. I'm going to bed. Night

I hate eating before I go to sleep.. you put on more weight by doing that. But lately, I've been eating a ton.. and now I'm eating 'KD' at midnight. My parents, brother and I went to Lockport today.. that was fun .. not. I got to drive though.. I need more practice before going for my road test. John came over tonight.. we watched A Nightmare before Christmas. He hates that movie.. oh wells. Friday night we went to Jeff's place.. haven't seen him in forever. God he is funny!! We watched Hostle.. that is a bad movie. I feel asleep after the movie while Jeff, John, Kruz, Ryan and Greg played Halo 2. Came home and slept. Now that I'm done my mid night snack.. I'm going to bed. I'm gonna hate tomorrow. Night;; Jessica

It's been back and forth fighting with my dad and John. Rather not talk about my dad fighting, but John fighting ends up that I have to change a little bit so I don't get mad easily and get into fights with him or anyone else. I need to change:: 1. being thankful for what I have 2. "understanding";;thing with Greg and Mina 3. attitude List will go on when he finds more I have to change. And personaly I don't know how I can change 1. So if any decides to read this... send me a comment on how to change. Jessica

I can't really believe it. How can parents decide wether or not to pull the plug on their son or daughter's life. Yes I know that all lifes come to an end, but John was only 14 years old. He was a close friend to my family and one of a best friend to my brother. I still can't believe it. John if you are listening whan I say this, "I know that you and I didn't talk much, and you were younger than me.. and such, but John, you will be missed and greatly loved." Rest In Peace John Toews 1991 - 2006

Not a good night. Not a good day at all. John doesn't trust me, and all I did was worry about him, seeing as no one knew where he was tonight. So what I reacted like any girlfriend should. At least he is home and safe and I know that nothing happened to him.

With spring break coming to an end, I'm stuck with my last free day doing homework and then spending my whole day with the 'group' + a couple brothers and a best friend that seems to hate me again while watching wrestlemania. Friday was a good day, finished work :> got paid!! $300 big ones! Then went to see Ice Age 2, good movie. Today I spent my day sleeping, going to John's and watching him and Ryan play on ps2 going home to eat and then back to John's place. I'm so tired right now, and I just can't wait till tomorrow when I have to spend my whole day with the girl who hates me. I'm sick of the way she talks to me and how she thinks that I dont have time for her. I could make time for her, but I just rather not because of the way she acts. Now before I get to into this movie my parents are watching, I'm going to bed. Jess

Working tomorrow.. first day, working side by side with John's mom. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! night.. wish me luck

I have learnt a lot of things over the past couple of months, knowing when to keep my mouth closed, when not to complain about something, trying not to get over protective. And in a way, I think I may have learned that this is something that is gonna last awhile. John just left now, we spent the evening driving around; he took me to the bank to get money, went and rented 'the man' and 'yours, mine, ours' [both pretty good movies] and then we got food and brought it back to my place. We celebrated 18 months tonight. And no we did not have sex. So anyways, I thought that today wouldn't have gone so well. I mean it has been 5 years since that accident of John's ex girlfriend. I asked him tonight if he even thought about her today, and he said no. And I believe him, it has been awhile since we really talked about her, but since that fight we had the other day I know that he means it when he wants to be with me and when he says 'I love you' So I'm in this great mood right now, it's to bad that he had to go home early though. Looks like the rest of my night I'm going to talk to my ex.. maybe I should go to bed. --Jessica

Besides the fight we had yesterday in gym class, we were doing so great. He got me a teddy bear which was so adorable. But now I wanted to talk to him on the phone and he wanted to have a nap so he got mad at me because I wasn't talking and wating time for him to sleep. I just don't get it.

He brought a teddy bear to school today for me. He was sorry for our fight last night. I love him to death!

I always do this! Why? I get so mad over little things that it makes the people I love hate me. I spent my night waiting to be alone with John for acouple minutes, and when that finaly happened, we were fighting. It lead to us almost breaking up. I have no one to talk to about this.. all my freinds are either sick of me talking about John or complaining about friends, John or family. John started saying that I'm not happy, I should be every happy; I have the perfect boyfriend, he does lots of stuff for me. He even gave me a promise ring and I never smile for no reason. I promised him that I will be happy. I am happy, I just don't show it all the time. Hopefully spring break will change things. I want to change to make him feel better. I love him. I'm going to bed, maybe I can sleep good tonight. Jessica

my weekend has sucked so far. went to a movie with my parents, if I didn't, I would be grounded. I did homework for a bit yesterday. and went to bed around 3ish am. today I'm spending my day waiting for John to come home so we can do something or go out to eat. i got a feeling that today is gonna be long. write back later maybe Jessica

Not much to say. Had an okay day/night. Spent it at John's place, watching the guys play video games and me sleeping. And the ocasionly me playing a game or two. This weekend is gonna suck. I always have plans, but John is going to his grandparents farm on Saturday till Sunday. I know its not that long, but I still am gonna miss him. Hopefully on Sunday he'll be back in time for us to go out for dinner with my parents. Saturday is gonna suck.. have to do a Canadian History project thats not going to be fun. Maybe I should sleep and time might pass by as fast as it can this weekend. Jessica

Something has been wrong with me lately. Why do I feel so shitty and left out?

The start of the month hasn't gone to well. Yeah John got his driver's, but a teacher died in a car crash on Wednesday night. Mr. Smart was a carpentray teacher who was 35 years old and had just gotten married a year ago. He was ran over by a car 2 years ago, managed to walk again with a pipe in his leg and now a car crash. The good thing is that his wife didn't die in the crash. My whole school is still in shock. We found out on Thursday they told us over the PA. everyones faces dropped. Everyone was crying, I had to hold some tears in. I feel so bad for Adam. Mr. Smart tought him and Adam is having such a hard time with it. I know today I finally cried a bit about it. After the problems Mr. Smart went through he didn't desive to die yet. R.I.P Mr. Smart You will be missed