God I hate being sick. Damn sneezing. Damn it to hades. I've had way too much time to think today. Behold, here is my ranting for the day: I feel myself slowly decaying. Like a disease that has not yet been discovered. I feel like I am beyond hope. A disease. I have become the disease. I wish....I wish it was me sometimes.. So I could justify my pain. I feel so much guilt for my pain. I feel like I have done something wrong. Is it wrong? Am I wrong? It feels wrong. It makes me sick. I make me sick. Who am I? Why am I here? I'm just a girl. A little girl. Lost. Afraid. Ashamed. I am ashamed of myself. I have everything. I have not suffered. Execpt from myself. My suffering has not freed me yet, Otep. My suffering has become me. I wish I was older. Just so I could look back at this and laugh at myself. I feel too much and yet nothing at the same time. I need to escape from the hole that I have dug myself into. I don't blame anyone but myself. I have made me the way I am. I am I. I am.......pain. I feel like cancer. I say 'I' way too much. I feel narcissistic. Behold, This is me. What I have become. What I hate. I don't hate you. I hate myself. I am a self pitying fool. Would someone just beat me? Hit me? Give me the RIGHT to FEEL the way I feel. I HAVE no right. I have EVERYTHING! Why am I like this? WHY AM I LIKE THIS? WHY! WHY! WHY! The path has ended. But it has not finished. It's a dead end. I only wanted to walk the path. Am I mad? Am I crazy? What about YOU? Is everyone else normal? What is normal? I need a way out. I need a WAY OUT. Someone help me... I can't save myself...can I? Too many questions... too many words.. Too much of everything. I'm out. I can't take it right now...