Ok, so my last entry was based mostly on hurt and self-pity. It's all good....mhmm....Now i'm going into a more...angry phase. I'm angry with the world( haha how cliched) I'm angy at stupid people. Honestly, they should be killed. Slowly. As to people who might find it fun to take a stab at my typed thoughts. Here's just a hint so that you can save your time. I don't give a shit about what you have to say. You don't matter. Not to me, and probably not to anyone else either. This is strictly for my own benefit, so if insulting me is a good way to make your filthy self feel better.. then please,by all means do so...but just remember..karma is a bitch. ^-^ Yea, with that out of the way....I have been taking up writing again. I had stopped for a period of time because I had nothing to write about. Emotions were numbed for a good amount of time. They have come back full force...It's rather difficult to comprehend what is going on...to myself anyway. Though, I am one of those people..that usually doesnt make any sense to anyone but myself. So I don't expect anyone who reads this to understand a thing that is written. Like I said...this is for my benefit. Not yours. I went to a Mudvayne show. It was amazing. Chad (previously known as Chud or Kud heh) was brilliant. That is definately one band that I would love to meet and talk with. I've heard some of their interveiws...they were hysterical, but the thing that really sticks out is that they seem to have a deeper, more intellecutal outlook on things. Their music is not only based on hate, but on things that I,myself, can look up to and relate with....It may sound silly but they are the type of people that you can hear talk and they make you want to strive to be a better person, to soak up all the knowledge in life. To make your life more than a life, but a life that you can enjoy. We were not put here to be consumed by the pain that we endure, but I believe that we are here to over-come the pain and proceed to do the best with the time that we are given. Life isn't meant to be cheery and perfect. I believe it is a test. The strong with over-come. The weak will fall. Do you pass? Do you fail? The one thing that keeps me strong is my music. It's another world. An escape from the ugly reality that we live in. Sometimes I put myself in an uglier place than reality is... but that beside the point. I am at a point where I so strongly want to learn. Life knowledge. Not that shit of an education that I am getting at the moment. Half of the things that I am being taught I will not need in my life and the other half, that may become handy doesnt even exsist. They don't teach us the things that matter. Nope, they simply teach us that with god we won't have any trials and that with christ your life will be full of love..blah blah blah...You know...it works for some people...It's not a bad thing to have something you believe so strongly in that you can, without question, live out your life content with not really knowing much of anything. I want to learn. I want to know the different aspects of life. I want to learn how the mind works. I want to know why we do things. why we are the way we are. I want to learn the things that people are hesitant to teach me. You want to know what is the most intreging thing to me? The mind of a serial killer. A Psychopath. what makes them snap? why are they the way they are? what goes on through their heads? Eric Harris is the first person that comes to mind for me. I grew up knowing distorted versions of that story...I heard that they were both possessed because of the music they listened to. heh. It's really quite amusing. ..but yea...anyway...I'm going to end this(very contradicting) entry. because,well...because I want to. ......M