I sit here in complete misery. Why? because that is how I choose to be. I always asked myself: Why am I so unhappy? why is it that I have everything and yet I feel so empty and fucked up? I was so focused on ASKING the questions that I never even tried to FIND the answers. I was so focused on being MISERABLE that I lost sight of breaking through the misery all together. I am a child. I am a baby... a little girl with no "home" Torture has become my friend. I remember asking myself "why" so many times. I found my answer. Choices. Everything is about choices. I choose to be who I am because I am afraid of what else I can be. Afraid to let go. Afraid to heal. I can't even let the people who I have known for years see who I am. I am so afraid. Afraid of what? Being weak I suppose. So here it is....a look into the mind of myself and release of pent up emotions.... This is me....lost and afraid striving for the knowledge that seems to be hiding from me. No on to talk to. No one who cares. Complete misery. Because that is what I have chosen. Don't give pity for the person who has chosen their fate. I have chosen to learn....now I just need to find someone to teach me. a confidant. someone older than myself that I can confide in....for now, I know the world doesn't care and that's ok.