where to start... life is like a rollercoaster. it has its many ups and down. for a while now ive just been falling deeper and deeper into this living hell. i feel like im losing a part of myself that i wont be able to do without. all the things that break me down and make me weak are just starting to kill me softly. things with the rents are very hot and cold. its not long b4 its a full blown issue again. and im getting all depressed now because all my friends are leving for college soon, and i have nothing to look forward to except harvard on the hill. but besides that im just freakin lonely.. i just hope i make sum new friends at orientation. then theres the whole losing susmone who was very close with me. sumone that taught me a lot about myself and life and what not, doesnt even want to be a part of their past, and that hurts so much. i honestly think i lost a part of myself ( when you left i lost a part of me ).... and then theres things with feelings for other people. im starting to think that lately im feeding off the attention that i get from certain people. it just kinda dawned on me today at work as i sat there thinking about how i didnt wanna sit there til 6pm . but theres one person that im just goin crazy over.. and its not the crazy like falling in love with them. im talkin not knowing what to do with a situation that is unavoidable. this person is already far away and is now going even further away.. and im just overwhelmed with thoughts. how do i deal with this? how is everything going to change? what the hell am i gonna do while ur gone? thru all the times that ive been down youve been there for me. ive come to like u more than a friend. and u mean so much to me, losing you would just destroy me. but how can i tell u that ill be ok and ill be able to do this when i know i cant. how do i say no when this is all that i want. how do i let myself hold on to sumthing millions of miles away that i dont know if i will ever have it. im just at a loss for words...i want everything to just be perfect for once. and of course thats not freakin possible. just please understand me and talk to me, and nothing bad will come out of it .. i can promise you that much... - XoXo - "listen to your heart..before you tell him goodbye "