yessss. (!) so. i'm meeting this guy for coffee tomorrow. he has the fucking hottest name ever. gaar. (name hotness is representative of the rest of his attributes... ^-^) this is as close to a date as i've been for almost two and a half years. ((((giggles with excitement)))) but right now i'm tired. i ate too much at new china buffet today. the people at the conference did not like german band. they weren't in to it. = [ i took a nap after school, then did my taxes. i should do my homework. but only after i'm done playing kitten cannon. i've been very sad lately. i just moved out of my room downstairs in to my old room upstairs. during the move, i found a lot of things from michiko and su jin's stay here last year. it's put me in to a horrible mood. i feel like crying all of the time. i'm stressed out. irritable. sometimes i snap at people that i generally get along with. sometimes i'm too demanding of people, begging without words. there isn't anyone anymore that i can talk to about my feelings. i don't want to bother abby with my shit (she's too busy being happy, anyways.), and lauren has her own shit to sort out. her life is as out-of-control as mine. i'm not going to get too much in to that. i can't go on living like i do. it's not a matter of life and death. it won't be. but i can't take much more of this. (ugh. too angsty. but it's true.) every part of me is scruitinized by someone or another...there is nothing about me that is satisfiable to anyone, it seems. my parents are the worst. when i asked them (i asked them, trying to act in good taste...trying to get them to trust me and think that i'm responsible) if i could meet gaar at the coffeehouse, my mom's answer was, "why can't you find anyone from your own town?" and then she went on that since i can't find anyone from this town to date, that there must be something wrong with me. that i should change myself to fit everyone else. (obviously, that put me off. but i said nothing.) my dad wasn't much better. he thinks it's "curious" that i don't get along well enough with any of the guys here to date them. the most ridiculous part of it all is, my little rendezvous with gaar isn't even a date. (close, but no cigar. ; ]) we barely know each other. hell, i don't think he remembers quite who i am (we have met, but for only a brief time). but i have a chance to make a good impression on him. i hope he's not an ass like the idiots who live here. i think i'll order something non-caffeinated tomorrow. i'll be shooting my mouth off as it is. eek! (nerves. all nerves.)