SOMETIMES I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN WHERE GOD WILL HOLD ME AND LOVE ME AND TELL ME IT'S ALL OKAY WHERE I WILL KNOW I MEAN SOMETHING MY CRADLE I WANT MY LOVED ONES TO COMFORT ME WITH LOVING WORDS AND VOICES I WANT TO BE HELD CLOSE TO THE WARMTH OF THEIR HEARTS AND CRY MY CRADLE I WANT THE ANGELS TO WELCOME ME WITH OPEN ARMS AND WELCOMING SMILES I WANT THEM TO HUG ME AND TELL ME IT'S OKAY TO CRY SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO DIE TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL... TO CHEAT... LET THEM PUT ME IN A WOODEN BOX MY CRADLE SOMETIMES I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN WHERE GOD WILL HOLD ME AND LOVE ME AND TELL ME IT'S ALL OKAY THE QUESTION IS... HOW OFTEN TO I ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN GOD LATELY?

you think youre the shit? I've got news for you sister, YOURE NOT Who are you to tell them who they can befriend? You can't control them all like you did me. OKAY? They seem fine. If they only knew. I'm going to put the gun to his fucking head and pull the trigger. and watch him fall to the floor. I'm just going to laugh. Because it's ironic, don't you think?

OH my fucking god. that last entry is complete and total bullshit. alot can drastically change in... 3 weeks yes. so... UNI's not that bad. They're all proud of me. For "fighting" it. but i don't. i give in so easily. the blood is just to fucking beautiful. And I went to school today. so i get combat boots. yay I can't tell whether you pointed at me or flipped me off from your window. I hope you fucking die. time to draw...

And it's so hard to keep my fucking mouth shut. So hard to keep my hands off you. I love you so much... Smiles and hours of conversation. I can't say I haven't missed this... But I want you... I may be desperate by monday. I have my own pills. Little do they know I won't tell them shit about side effects. I could sell them and make enough money to buy as many Lortab as I fucking want. Haha. Ms. Doutre would be so disappointed. We are more fucked up than we give ourselves credit for.

If it weren't for the fact that I'd have to kill myself afterwards too... Darling, I'd slit your throat, Just so that you could be happy. I'm lost in our entertwining lives.

Hope is gone There is really nothing left to do. The only thing i can do is wait. Try to find this "courage" to do what needs to be done. but for now, I'M FUCKED!!!!

...there is no point in hoping anymore. No point in writing or begging or kissing or anything. The following was written before this.I feel like crying the other way...... but i promised. aw fuck.. since when do promises matter? i cant talk to you i cant kiss you i cant love you i can't hug you i can't have you i don't know what to do i am a coward strengthless i want you. you say you love me too how am i to take it? what can we do? i want to be with you i don't know how. i do'nt know what i can do. I'm so fuckign confused. I love you. I told you. I Fucking love you. So why cant I have you? why does it rip wahts left of my heart out that i can't talk to you that i feel so unwanted and you say you love me, but i feel so fucking unloved i want to know the truth... what the fuck can we do. i love you and you said you loved me too I'm so confused. I don't fucking konw what to do. I thought I could do this. But....... I don't konw anymore.

jsut give me the pills. hang yourself with a fucking necktie. one with silk circles and stripes. The sun goes down and the sky turns red. the reflection makes my vision yellow almost time for bed how familiar it seems a feeling that i thought was gone ... I can't do this.

Take the quiz: What piercing are you?Surfacethe dark one... mysterious, you keep to yourself and dont mix well with others, but you dont want to either. you like to be alone and dont like to go out clubbing and having fun (thats not a bad thing Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

I have a headache. She looked at my eyes today... she says there was no color in them... that they were the darkest gray she'd ever seen... I looked at them a couple minutes ago... they are nearly black... they are fucking dark.... and when i got up close i could see little tiny shafts of pale pale bluish gray... I hurts.....she threw it at my head. She put acid on my eyeshadow.... "Kloby" was nice enough to warn me about that... Mom is angry. We offered her a place to fucking stay if her father beat her. AND THIS IS HOW I AM REPAID??? Chambray said they're threatening to jump me. I want to die..... I will either way. whether I do it or not. It's scarier thinking that someday I'll be lying in a bed and I will just vanish.... It's scarier than having control of it... I'm going to take a pill... drink one of those things tomorrow if they're still any good...... There is nothign without pain. I feel daggers in my side with every step i take.... every thought is like a knife... All I ever wanted was love...... the little online dating heart on my searchbar looks like its bleeding. what a coincidence.

Admission: I like him... again...still... I really don't know. I lose track, and it's kind of insignificant. But he makes me smile. And he talks to me. I felt like skipping home. I felt like staying on the bus just to talk to him more. he still smiles... He took jake's hat and put it on me. and smiled and ran away. Why me? He doesn't touch me... why does that seem like it means something? It's raining. If it weren't so cold, I'd go outside and dance in it. It's no fun to dance in the snow. I'm dreaming again... God I wish I was more courageous. ♥

IF PAIN IS BEAUTY, I SHOULD BE FUCKING GORGEOUS.

weeeeeeeeeee this one trip i won't fucking forget.

Today I died. And as I walked away you'd never know that it was you on my mind.

Your Suicide.. by KonstantineYour Name/UsernameFavorite Number?Favorite Color?Gender?FemaleMaleUndecidedBothHow will you commit suicide?You will slit your wristsHow many tries will it take?5When will you commit suicide?August 22, 2016What will your suicide note say?I wish there was another way...Quiz created with MemeGen!

i made a promise and i broke it before so why would it matter now? i hurt before and told you i'd stop but you lied and betrayed me. I tried to keep myself sane I tried to write out the pain but it didn't wokry so why the hell would it now? I do'nt get this at all anymore. It's all kind of lame. I just want to read and write and listen to music and have a good cry. but i think i'm fucked i will be crucified in english on wednesday. so not looking forward to it. I went to the International Auto Exposition today. Eric took pictures of my brother and I crammed inside the trunks making screaming faces and curled up in fetal positions. My feet hurt and I felt all poor and hippy-y always looking at the gas mileage and going sick sick sick if the city MPG was below 20. Scions have fabulous sound systems. I can only imagine bouncing around to gogol bordello in it. "Start wearing purple.........forrrrr me......... nooooooooooooow" ::accordian solo:: YESSSSSS. it snowed alot... duh. Eric's car was pracitcally snowed in and dad used a crate lid to scrape the snow off so we could get in without causing a small avalanche. The snow depresses me. It used to make me happy. Go figure. I can see the veins and bones bulging in the back of my hand now. Its creepy.

i am worried about her. I'm not the only one cutting again after a promise... several promises... not that mine mattered as much as hers but still.. she's afraid that her dad will hurt her again. i hate seeing her get hurt... i hate seeing anyone get hurt...even if they hurt me like her.. if jordan's mom or dad beat him, i would feel bad. I would try to help. I hate feeling useless. She has been offered a place to stay here for however long she needs to... her mom has been offered help if need be as well she wants to come over tomorrow after work or after we come back from where ever to stay over to get her mind off things. i doubt mom will say no. not as much food and stuff but eh oh well. maybe we can go to the cemetery tomorrow. since we couldnt last week... that would be nice. surround ourselves with spirits to try and offset the orbs around us... somehow... usually when we get together, we cheer up, we find a way alot of the time to forget about what's fucked up. and i like it like that. I miss friendships like that. It's been so long since Natasha left...

I checked out of school today... haven't done that since sometime last year. Like as in probably 2004.. not 2005. God I'm having trouble with this transition... She kept asking me what was wrong, she never tried to actually talk Text message: where are you Text message: what is wrong Text message: are you going to ignore me? While we were sitting backstage doing nothing she comes to me and goes "who pissed in your cheerios?" and suddenly she's chambray's best friend. I don't like Chambray and ArJay makes it sound like she doesn't either but I dunno. It doesn't matter. I got my backpack to try and sleep on and she freaked and asked me if i was leaving. I know she's not mad at me... I HOPE she's not... The last thing I Need ontop of htis right now is her unmerciful anger towards me. She was going to go outside with Chambray and walk around until the bell rang and she wrote me a little note.... before we went to the auditorium we were in fullers room doing thigns. i admired a gay rights "taking a stand" fiar display, and was quite tempted to look at Jordans. He does such interesting things usually... I remember the teeth.... I saw him in his car w/ his father this morning... It makes me laugh when I see him randomly outside of school and he doesn't know it. I need to go make up the test. Dad falls for anything. I feel bad for lying, but I didnt' think the cramps were enough to get him to come. AND I DID take the ibuprofen around 9, but it didn't work, and they were giving me a headache. i just didn't throw up... oh how I wanted to... I feel like shit. It's cold... I should do tings and eat and sleep. It hurts... Not just the cramps anymore... other things. they made me fall off my mountain.

to cry is to know that you're alive, but my river of tears has run dry.I never wanted to lose you,no... but a cold heart is a dead heart and it feels i have been buried alive by love if i should die before i wake ,pray no one my heart to take.. and if i wake before i die ,rescue me with your smile Sigh... I love that song. her tatto is prettier and I like it now. Jordan doesn't but he doesn't like much of anything. he just shows off to me again and hopes he can lead me on. It won't work this time so mehehe fuck you. Tomorrow is our sleepover. Lala things change so fast anymore. I am in pain but oh well I can't stop this pain with a slice, unfortunately. Friends are doing better. I hope it stays that way. but a cold heart is a dead heart and a deserted heart is gone... but a cold heart is a dead heart and it feels like i've been BURIED ALIVE BY LOVE

hey look its me ^^ i just realized what a pain in the ass it is to sign out if you're doing it from my page. I spend a whole week with person friend. she gave herself a tatto i want tattoo but not really from her. i dont want mine to bleed and push the ink out. nothing wrong with blood mind you i just would rathe rhave a black tattoo than a reddish pink scar thingy. lol today was fun anyway. my teacher is so going to hate my parents it makes me laugh he is a bigoted sexist ass. and i am glad i will not have to deal with him again.