I learned more last night. I feel evil, but if anyone should, it is he for lying to a "Friend" I cannot go on like this much longer. It is all tearing me apart inside, I dont understand why. Yes, i have done evil, i have done wrong, but still, youthink these people would GET A FUCKING CLUE?!?!?!?!?!??! They were the original wrong doesr. not my friend. if only i could convince myself of that... i dont know who are my real friends anymore. it is so distressing. this thing that is devouring me is probably having no impact on them... which makes it hurt even worse.. They KNOW.... but you know it should because practically everytime i talk to them i ask. and i know she's lying so it becomes almost... amusing. Still painful... but in a way.. Amusing...yes. i am going insane yet again. i need to talk to someone. ha. if only i were baptised then i could even maybe go to confession. i need someone that will hold it in complete confidentiality. My mind is spinning. i am feeling sick. anyway, i scare myself sometimes. the shadows are closing in again. lala i want to go pierce myself with safety pins. lalalala oh by the way who likes blood?