ok. for the three of you that have asked me "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" i will tell you. as you SHOULD know, i stopped going to my shrink.. he pissed me off. so, my only outlet for really anything anymore in life is to cut, or to write, and i am having serious writing problems... so guess which one it is? i haven't been cutting this much since when Omar's creep-o's brother's friend beat the crap out of me then raped me. which is all taken care of now, thank you very much. that part of me is pretty much healed... but what is going on now, is that i finished out the school year really bad, my dad got my report card yesterday and i had two As, three Cs, two Fs and one B+... and he got really pissed about it. i mean, he forces me to take these fucking AP classes and then punishes me when i dont get it. so.. instead of being a "nice" parent and going "well, i know this isnt your best and you could have done better, but at least you tried" WHICH I DID!!!!!!!!!! i tried so hard last quarter... even when i was skipping and stoned during classes... and the time they caught me and thomas making out in th e bathroom... but instead of trying to be the supportive parent, he is the abusive one and he fucking beat me. yelled at me about my grades, my weight and my friends again... like he is so perfect. sure, i drink now and then, but I DON'T DO IT FUCKING CONSTANTLY!! and i coudl tell he was more than drunk when that happened. it is always worse when he's drunk.... he doesn't know about the drugs and the cutting though... didnt even really say anything about it last night. except when he was done he said, "now go sit in your bathtub and cut up yourself" and then went into his room while i cowered on the floor in fear and blind fury... so yeah... at the moment... that is wahts up. and nick, PLEASE!!! give it to me. i need it. whatever it is... i NEED it. i'll die if i don't have anything... oh and thanks for telling me where you put my blades jade. i found them. i drew one of my dead hearts on my feet. they match. isnt it wonderful?