so yeah. last night i went to jades. nick was there and when i first got there it sounded like they were yeling about something... and i went in, and nick had crank. muashahahahahahha. jade made him share. we all sat around in his basement on the big huge oval sofa and just talked and laughed... and i forgot about everything bad in my life for just a while. we got hungry so we walked to burger king and sat there shooting ketchup at eachother and scaring the crap out of the people at burgerking, including htis little old lady who i thought was going to die she was so frightened of us "punks" sitting there laughing maniacally and swearing and stuff. after we left burger king, nobody wante to go home so we walked to the park and sat on the swings. jade swung around on the tire swing and threw up. then she dared me and nick to kiss. oh yeah baby. haha. after, for some reason jade decided to go home and nick walked me home and thank god, my dad wasnt home and so nick and i went inside and sat in the living room and watched the forgotten. he started talking to me and asking me all kinds of questions. at one point he asked if he could see my cuts and i said "which ones" and he said "all of them", so i took him in my room, and i basically stripped for him. i wasnt going to let him see the ones my underwear cover up, but he stared at my body, with the hearts on my feet and words on my legs and stomach, and then he reached out to me, pulled me to him and kissed my belly button. i though it was really really weird.... because i mean, i DO like him, and.. well... now he knows... but i've never done anything with a guy when i've been high... i think they mixed it with sugar because i came down faster than i've come down off of it alot of times... and the last time i came down that fast they mixed sugar with me, so fuck you for that, but... still i was buzzed and as i stood there in my room, only wearing my underwear, while one of my guy friends kissed my stomach, i forgot all about thomas... sadly... and yet... gladly. and no, jade, kris, whoever else, we did NOT have sex. hejust kissed me.. we kissed alot... then i heard my dad trying to get in so i sent him home really fast... and i havent talked to him yet.. i'm scared. i mean... i dont think i can handle a fuckedup relationship now with all the drugs and my dad and my mom in and out and the cuts... i think i really care about him though. i'm afraid that i will lose my friendship with nick, and/or jade if something goes on... maybe it was a one tiem thing because he was high.. i dont know... i just... dont...