I am seeing tunnel vision in a world that's dark and cold I cannot believe how much I've changed since the days of old I know it's temporary but I need to focus straight I cannot believe I lost control of my fate I need forgiveness from the people I truely care about I need support behind my back to help me spit it out I am gonna win I can't afford to blow this one I hate myself sometimes I love myself I need this way of life because it holds me If contradictions the way of life, happiness is wealthyness is healthy Now I've made it through those lies and deceit I think whats done is done and I can't complain anymore I am sure Now that I've found myself again it feels great I can't believe I'd lost control of my fate I need forgiveness from the people I truly care about I need support behind my back to help me spit it out I am gonna win I can't afford to blow this one I hate myself sometimes I love myself I need this way of life because it holds me I hate myself sometimes I love myself I need this way of life because it holds me If contradictions the way of life Happiness is wealthyness is healthy I feel betrayed by a relationship i thought was perfect untill the end. i thought i was more, but in all i was less. i was hers, she wasn't mine, though i believed with all my heart i was. i have tried exhausting myself physically, lifting runnin cal's untill i could barely stand, yet my mind will not rest. i feel betrayed though it is over. i cannot understand why, i usaully let it all go and shrug it off. But, this has not rolled off maybe it was because she was the only one i let in and it is the only memory that can stab strait through me with no warning. I know she was wrong for me and i was wrong for her, but that doesnt excuse honesty or trust. How can we love everyone when they just use, abuse and betray you. All i ask is honesty. why is it so difficult aand why is honesty considered "politically incorrect" i cannot understand it. I know it wasnt my fault but my heart keeps screaming that it was and i fell short. I do not like being so deep and hard on myself but this page is the only thing i can talk to these days. everyone i love has been scattered to the wind, but i am standing still.