I'vebeen thinking about this place alot, ha and its making me think alot of leaving this plae.. It really isn't bad here. But I feel like i'm still waiting to get where i want to be. But with it coming sooner and sooner I'm getting excited and kinda dreading all the shit i gotta get done. But, it's starting, finally.. i'm drifting and going at my pace and no one's gonna tell me shit. It's been a while since i could stop thinking of the past long enough to look forward to the future. It's like i tried to ignore the fact that the future is coming because i knew it meant that the things and people i love from my past aren't in my future. I feel like i'm betraying them. I know I'm being true to mself whether people can see it or not, but still. I meant to always be there. I somehow imagined that it would just wind up that we would always be together. But we arent. none of us.. But i love her and them all just as much as i always promised them and myself i would. i try to smile more when i think of those times, but it always hurts.