All I ever really wanted to do was live inside a whale. A fake whale because I know a gigantic three dimensional breathing whale surrounded by fierce seas and dark grey clouds would frighten me. I'm so scared of the ocean and it's true. I have night terrors of being stranded out in the ocean at night with the thunder casting outlines of forty feet monsters underneath the skin of the water swimming towards me. What I desire is a sunny day, a whale that smiles and lets me in as company and even as I begin to settle I can still feel the breeze from outside and the reassurance that I can race back to my island as quickly as I want. It's just a fantasy. I want to get as close to the fake as possible and the reality scares me. And I'm never really in both...never all the way.