We describe ourselves by the person who is next to us. The person in front of us. We are hollow until we put into ourselves what is left. What has not been taken by everyone else. Cheating is only cheating if you get caught. Stealing is only stealing if you get caught. We need that person in front of us to tell us what we are doing is wrong. We are so dependent. A girl fucking every guy she makes eye contact with is a slut. A whore by what we tell her she is. What she is doing is wrong. And she may think of herself as a good, independent person. You are nothing until you figure out what everybody else is. And that is why we need that social interactionism to break that shell we crawl into at birth. The natural casing, the original shell as opposed to the one we make up, we gradually create as we grow from children. Our invented shell. Some of us chose to use it and retreat back to it if we feel we are socially inept. And there are those who spend their youth building their shells and chose not to use them once socially they are accepted. Once they break the mold; settle in. I guess that is why I keep calling her back, an outreach at best. She's at arm's length at times and when she's there I'm in love with illusions. I can define myself by what she isn't. By what they are not. What her and her do that I do not. So no my shell is not my home. I've not yet abandoned it but it's a waste anyways. I figure there's been too many years of people spreading infections for me to want to render myself immune now. Kinds of diseases that are not just injuries or poisons. Those that keep people afraid of themselves in this modern age, that keep the pyschologists from rising up with fists. Because they will always have their patients, there will always been social anxieties, and I will always be a patient.