*sigh* Part of me cares... part of me is tired of caring. I hate being on an emotional roller coaster. It seems Sean is the only stable thing in my life sometimes. Why must I always be the bad guy? Guess I just make a good scapegoat. If it makes people feel better to be angry with me, whatever. I still love all those who used to consider me a friend. But nothing I say will ever make a difference. Nothing I say or do will ever make it better for them. I accept that. I'm happy that mana's finally happy. She deserves to have it. Shes been through too much pain already. We all have. I should of told her a long time ago when I first wanted to. *sigh* But those are past mistakes that can't be undone now. I just feel so tired. Sean is so wonderful though. I thought I knew what love meant. I was wrong. *smile* I only hope to love him like he loves me. I think I'm suceeding. I don't know where i'd be or what i'd do without him. Hes got a new job. And I got a job offer. I turned it down though. Too much travel for what they wanted to pay me. Savanah, Georgia is too far. But i'll find something. Maybe in Columbia. We're thinking of moving there. Ah well. We'll see. My Grandpa's dying too. Its so hard to think about. We all thought it would be his heart that killed him, but its going to be his liver. Watching him deteiriorate(?) is hard. I hope he makes it long enough to make the trip to Detroit so he can visit his family and parents graves. Its been years since hes been back there, before my lifetime even. I'm going to miss him.