i'm not miserable i'm only alone i'm ok in this dark corner of madness

people live people die your closeness fades before your eyes nothing goes forever everything has an ending the happy ones the odd ones the ones that tore us apart but between these endings there are beginings becasue all endings are new beginings new beginings for nothing but what we dont know because what we dont know is what we've been looking for all along we never stop to think in this moment of sorrow that that's not the point there's plenty tomorrows so give it up life will never be perfect dont try so hard nothing will ever change

so madly in love with the person not here ...no one ANYWHERE knows what i mean by that...

OMFG! aaron is a little asshole. Me and chloe finally forgave him and started to be cool with him....and then he goes and he's an asshole again. ~insulting her ~starting rumors ~calling her fucked up stuff ~giving her all this shit that she doesnt desreve AT ALL ....girr! he pisses me off!not only is it him now....but he told ALLL of chloe's (and mine) guy friends at dillard all this shit about er and now they hate her. Gosh. i swear i'm gona kill that little fuckker...

yes i'm anxious...but i'll have to wait 28 days. Yes, in 28 days it will be christmas...but thats not why i am anxious. In 28 days i'm.... GOING TO CALIFORNIA!!! :-) Dude i'm so happy. I'm leaving RDU at 3:00 PM x-mas day (which kinda sux...but o well) to Philadalphia. THen taking a Direct flight from philly to CALIFORNIA! Then i leave CA on january 1...9 am flight...poopies....to baltimore and from Baltimore to raleigh. so i'm there for a week :-) i'm going to stay with my uncle patrick and aunt dawn...and my cousin Abbey :-) she's adorable. I get to babysit Abbey during the day for mon-wed-fri while her rents' are at work. Its gona kick ass I am not sure if i'll visit andrew or not. I want to but dont...confuzing. gona go. later ~peace~ ps......no god damned comments :-(....

BROKEN DREAMS Ode to you because you were different Becasue you didn't let me cry myself to sleep Ode yo you and your un-selfish mind Your mind that was constantly believing Ode to the reasons you were always there you were always there, way back then Ode to how you're still the best Even if you're no longer here Ode to the day that i'll see you again The day that will never come

WE WON! my soccer team won the tournament! yay i was so happy. I had to leave at half time during the last game to get to my party. But my dad called me from the field (he stayed) and told me the news.. anyways...... LAST NIGHT ROCKED! chloe and me had a awesome party...at least ti think it was awesome....it was me,chloe,laure,emily,justin (:D),david,nick,anna,hannah, aaron, jon (aww poor jon),michelly, rusty...i tink thats it it was so much fun. Mostly. We watched dawn of the dead....nice movie.....some of us went out side and hung out, skated and well...lets stop there. some people annoyed me at one point for various reasons...but whatever....and two people in particular i think were GIRR! one person (wont name her) got all mad b/c of something two other people did because she like one of those people but thats her own damn fault if she didn't go after him....haha wow that must have confuzzled you and then someone else (wont name him) was just bugging me and i wont go there (no its not like that...just something i cant explain unless i say something which i cant say...haha) well its rocked.....i was mad at my mom cuz she woulnt let me sleep over.....i hope me and chloe can hang tonight ~later ~_7_ DAYS * UNTIL * MY * BIRTHDAY! ~

its 10:00 and i'm TIRED! I'm going over to chloe's in like...half and hour to set up and shit. Then i have my tourney at 2:45 so i will have to be on my way over there by 2:15. And i hope we win this year. WE've been undefeated for 3 years (except last year we got beat ONCE!) and last year we lost the tourney by [] < that much! meaning- its was a reeeeeally close game. So i want to beat that team today! :-) And My last game unfortunately (if we make all the way trhough....which i'm betting we will :-) ) isn't until FRIKIN 5:00/!!!! girr and guess what... MY PARTY IS AT SIX!!!!!! and i think for the touney today we are only playing 20 minute halfs...i think....which sucks because its not enough playing time...but is good because it makes it a faster game so i can get home and showered and to chloe's sooner. So my game will probably (supposively) end at about 5:00 (but like i can count on that because we're always running late in tourneys) SHIT! then i'm gona havee to get home and shower and shit and GIRR! stupid tourney time :- hehe My left thigh is K--L-L-I-N-G ME! all week in gym we've been doing these gay runnig things and all this shit and now my thigh hurts like crap! and thats not good......girr well i should go get ready.... *LATER* ~peace~ ~_8_ DAYS * UNTIL * MY * BIRTHDAY! ~

everything comes to an end this sit diary jsut might too

. . . Gazing at the lightning that you're watching, catching the thunder you're hearing, the rain that pounds down on my head comes from the same sky that you look up at

I'm feeling good and its such a great change

I'm straing straight I'm barely there Killing my brain On these WINDING stairs I've lost control I've seen too much Take me home To a place I can rest I'll scream and kick I'll CRY and beg Please let me go To the home I've wanted I want to know there's a god damn PlACE Where everything inside Is not the same I'd run away I'd hide forever Ready or not I'll find another I'm ready for changing I've found nothing inyou I'll seek a way out And a ROMANCE too

...Your eyes are like black water under thin, grey, march ice Black water and glee dancing far down Within them like the twisting decomposing body of a drowned man COld and soundless nights where no one is there to hear the silence...

well well here we are...I keep forgetting about my SitD...so i guess i should update...all though i don't like sitting here and writing my life out for other people..*what the hell?* i say...yes what the hell? school's out...finally...i want this summer to rock ... not be crappy like last summer : tomorrow's the BBQ at sara's house (ah the coolest girl ever)...that should be fun...WATER GUNS :)...woo hoo. and not much planned after that...that i can talk about anywas...hehe getting a little...restless lets say...of hearing people talk about their "fat" and "immperfections"...ugh...get over your damn selves people! You don't hear everyone bitching about their problems...there's those certain people who try so hard to just cover it up and not complain and apear happy...and those people...that person i should say...i respect so much...but im just sick of hearing skinny size 5 people complain that they're fat lards...ugh..too much to go into right now... ...thats it for now... :heart: p.s.~ LEAVE ME SOME FRIKIN COMMENTS ... i'll love you forever...unless i already do :)..hehe but still...

Everytime I see you My heart will turn to stone From what you know What you said What you saw Before you're dead Those little things, unspoken The gap between our thoughts Of what we knew What we said What we saw It was in my head Somethings I never told you I have a secret; or two Come this way; come closer I'l pour my heart for you I wish I never met you I never touched your face My dirty hands are full of guilt Though your blood, I'll never taste My mind is so unreal You're face, a lullaby I ran away from all true things And now I'm left to cry There's nothing left for us Everything you know what you said what I saw You'll forget

i'm happy you're happy i'm terrified i'm not

wow...last time i snuck out in the middle of the night to meet some gave me horrible memories...but THANK YOU SARA, KRISTIN AND BRITNEY! hehe...its was muchos fun..(sneaking..hehe)

im so mad right now at everyone i think just about everyone i know and regularly talk to...and some others...im prettyy pissed at except for ONE person...isnt that sad this all sucks everything does

wow i never update this anymore...but here i am now...yesterday me and sara walked to downtown cary...and we ate at serendepity's..yumm...and we went to this pawn shop (there was a criminal there...I SWEAR) and they had a bunch of cool guitars...ya..sweet. we had muchos fun...like running from mexicans..haha just kidding and that was yesterday...friday...and today is saturday and this was a 3-day weekend..and that rocks