well where do i start ok i will start with whats on my mind 50% or more of the time lately. ANDREW i miss him like hell...and i wrote a song that kinda reminds me of hime but wasnt exactly about him but sort of is. because it makes me sad and stuff. here's one verse: the last i saw of you was blured with tears i hope the next time can be the same this time with tears of joy and not tears of pain its kind of a work in progress. And i'm not positve bout the title but calling it Last Thoughts for now. ANDREWANDREWANDREW thats what goes in oneear and out the other .. over and over. I went to school a couple days ago all sad and upset. 1/2 because i had talked to him forever on the phone and then hung up and cryed, and 1/2 b/c me and my mom started fighting again. And i woke up in a horrible mood. not really pmsy or anything, just upset. ANDREW- i know you'll never read this...but if we were ever to see eachother again i'd have to eventually say something...i wouldnt be able to stare at you and wonder why the world is so fucked up. becasue when ever i think about why you moved it starts me up again about how much i hate america...some how we will see eachother again..i know it, because i would never let our friendship (or anything else)be destroyed by thousands of miles or a horrible father. I'm not sure how your life is in CA but i wish i did..because if i did that would mean i was closer to you. we'll see eachother real soon. i know it. or maybe i dont and i just keep telling myself that to make me feel better and i dont realize i'm just hurting myself over and over each time. but i do know seomthing. i love you to death and always will. you were like a brother to me almost...ALMOST...(but i'm glad you wern't because nothing would have happened then ;-) ) i will never forget that last day i hund out with you before you left. every time i looked at you i tryed to keep that image in my mind and promise myself never to forget you. then i promised you that before leaving (if you know what i'm talking about..haha) and hoped more than anything it wasnt really goodbye. and it all does sound cheesy but thats how i feel i know you'll never read this andrew..but if i were ever to see you again...i'd need something to say....... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ girr. i wanted to go to the mall tonight with shilo but my mom is just stupid and wouldnt let me go. And it really pisses me off how i've only been able to hang out with her 1 or 2 times even tho she's like one of my best friends at school. but at least we hang out there. and me and sara might volunteer sunday morning to feed homeless peeps...which is kinda freaky but she wanted me to go..so why not .(me and homeless people? oh sh*t) and chloe wanted me to go to her dance at schol tongiht ( btw i hate most dances) but told her no because i was supposed to go to the mall. in one of shilo's entries i was reading she was talking about how the government is stupid and gays and lesbian should be able to marry if they want. and i totally agree. this used to be a fucking free contry. i'm not so sure about america any more. as soon as i hit 18 i'm moving. england....hawaii (want to work there..)...australia...anywhere better that here :-) then she was also talking about how stupid the bible is. which i totally agree on too. because it is. its a book of lies that some dude wrote and trys to make us believe that god (no capital g by the way) is so immportant and we should belive he is the most powerful..and its all just bull shit its so sad. i have all of three friends on my list. (once of which i barely talk to anywayts) but i dont really care. i didnt make this diary to talk to poeple or have a bucnch of comments. because i dont give a crap bout that sh*t. i made this diary fro me. because i need somewhere to write and to let things out and to just say crap. because i have nothing and no one else to do that with 24/7 whenever so this is it. i had so much to write tonight but got so worked up about everything forgot...if i remember i will come back and edit it but for now i need to walk around outside int he dark :-) ~peace......has turn into destruction