i hate the feeling of wanting something so bad but just not being able to get it. i feel like i have no control of things when they're like this. i feel like one person has the ability to make me happy or to make me wanna cry. i don't think this is what they want exactly but i don't think they realise how much it truely affects me but today was mostly a good day i tried not to let things get to me and i tried to be happy then all i want to do is come home and see Andrw but what do you know i can't.the one thing i wanted so bad today and i don't even get it. do i ask for too much? am i just selfish? truthfully i am. i ask him to do things and i admit i do try to makehim feel bad fornot wanting to see me. and i'm reallt sorry for that but no matter what the reason is i still feellike you're not here and if were up to me to see you i would. to me it's like he doesn't care about seeing me but i know he really does. i just don'tknow what to do anymore. tomorrow is our game against callaway again. i really hope we win this time. i'm sick of trying so hard and just not making it. i think the problem is acertain for take it seriously but the rest of them don't. oh well i give it all i can. fuck it if that's not enough. i guess now i'll eat my delicious pasta and hope to die before tomorrow. besides we only live to die. but that's not how i really feel. i'mjust saying that. i really think i'll just keep listen to mewithoutYou and be sad untill i stop being such a bitch and get over the fact that no matter what i do he's not coming over tonight. oh well i love Andrew and i hope things work out for us. i think i have issues with being alone.