i cant turn my brain off. its killing me. i feel like slamming my head down on this desk and knocking myself out just for some peace. i keep thinking about the night i was sleeping over at my friend jason's house and bianca came around and we snuck out together and went to the high school football feild and lay in the middle looking at the stars. we talked, and kissed and i think i actually loved her that night. we did it again a few weeks later, but she didnt want to talk or anything, she just wanted to have sex, and i didnt, not then and there, so then she thought that i thought she was unattractive and stormed off. i made sure she got home alright. she ignored me for like 2 days after that. im the one who ended the relationship, so why cant i stop thinking about it? why am i not over it? it takes two to tango and everything, and i made a lot of mistakes, but she was making life hell for me...and i know im better off with out her, but i miss the good times. but there were more bad times than good. sigh.