its 6.30 am and i cant go back to sleep. during the day im so tired, but i cant sleep very well at night. i can go to sleep for about an hour and then i just wake up and cant go back to sleep. and when you cant sleep you just think about all the bad things that have happened to you and past situations and conversations that you would do over if you could. i WASNT thinking about bianca. i cant stop thinking about jason's kid. if its alive. he never talks about it. a few months after stacy left he cried...but nothing else. i dunno, we're boys and we cant talk about that stuff. im not sure. jason has always been there for me. i stayed at his house for about a week after my dad left. he saw me in the hospital and treated me like human being, not like a fragile child that you have to tip toe around or else you'll set it off.. and im really ashamed of what i tried to do. most of the time i would never contemplate doing it again.. i've never seen my mom look like that, or tim, my brother. but if jason hadnt been there for me, i would be dead. we've known each other forever, and i just want him to know what a great friend he is and has been..he'd probably call me a pansy. its the buzz word of the month... but then again, we're not on the football team, so i guess pansy is already applied to us. just be a couple o' pansies calling each other pansies... im too tired for this. sorry if it doesnt make sense...