I have to ask now just what my deal with The Cure is. Oh, well...I'll figure it out. I have a dilemma tonight. I'm in my lady's room. She's opening a can of soup, and somehow, in an incredible way, she is beautiful, gleaming. She always is, but tonight it's different. Completely different. Her beauty is so stagnant, so constant, so dependable. So undeniably existent. But, I can't keep track of what I'm thinking about. I think about her, I think about her beauty, and I think about just what it would be like without her. Is that somehow wrong? I hope not. I took a good look around for all the pictures I have of Shannon, and the only things that change in those pictures are clothes, settings, time. And me. Nothing seems to change when you focus on it. All this time, I feel like nothing has changed about me, while the world has somehow ran circles around me. She will always be beautiful, and wonderful, and that will never change, but in a way, that fact has changed me so subtly. I asked a friend tonight if I could see her over Thanksgiving break. I was so...scared. I once thought it'd be a cold day in hell when I'd be scared to talk to her, but now it's so common, and so comfortable. It's scary how fast everything has changed, not because of the fact that things have changed, but because of why. I promised myself that I'd never be scared of that, but now I'm a coward to that promise, and what's worse is that I feel like it can't be any other way. I suppose I just wonder: is it wrong to wonder? Is it wrong to think that maybe things could have been different, different altogether, to play those scenarios out in my head and feel the emotions I would have felt, or wonder what it would have been like? Is it bad to daydream of people, and suddenly, for a split second, embrace just how many forks in the road there really are in our lives, as we live them every day? I don't know. I suppose I just know that I have no regrets for all of the things I've done, and for what I have now. I just find myself wandering back once in a while, trying to see far away to where the other forks in the road have gone.