I've changed my mind on the trip, I think. I'm heading to Halifax, Nova Scotia, six hours away from Orono. Not too bad. I still feel like I can't make it there. Or anywhere. The end of today constitutes a full week without feeling a complete sleep cycle. It sucks. There's always something more to be done; every hour of my time is accounted for. My roommate's clicking away at his computer, making 'moody' pictures. I get that impression of them, especially considering who the pictures depict. I've been so bitter about the world, I've realized. I can't do many things right; I don't think as well as I think I do. I need help more often than I give it. It's almost as though my usefulness comes as a result of the need for others to need someone to help. It's a weird feeling. I got a card from my Dad two days ago. Something I didn't expect. It basically hit me like a brick wall. My father isn't the type to show his emotions, but he did that time. I couldn't help but cry, but not in Shannon's presence. I've had to reconsider so much of my world these past few days...and my relationship with him is just one more consideration I've had to make. Dad's a dichotomous person, it seems; emotional when he needs to be, harsh when he has to be. And it's no doubt you're wondering what I'm talking about. Imagine for a second you're me. You're always on the run, everywhere. Class, errands, work, no matter, you're doing everything. Contemplation only comes at the still points; you can't be distracted by the important points of your life when you're working: duh, right? Well, I'd give everything for the chance to wander into a field one day, a place where no men exist. None for miles, tens of miles. Just to lay there, under a blue sky, some surrealistic melody echoing in my head, just thinking: where has the time gone, and why has it left me?