Wow...so this is how it feels. You know, I just had a revelation. I remember some things better now. There are a few memories that have come back to me better than any others. Remembering what it was like to feel a NATURAL high. What it was like to have a coherent thought...something purely intellectual. Something coolly calculated. What it was like to care how well off I was. I haven't felt like that in a long time. I've only cared about two things this whole time I've been here. My love and my science. It is my science. It's all I know anymore. I've lost my ability to write. I've lost my reason. I've lost that sharp oratory sense. I'm no longer eloquent. I'm eloquent in the eyes of Schrodinger, of Einstein. The only eloquence I have is in problems...in the beauty of solutions. And my love...well, I can't say how thankful I am for her. My crutch when my legs are torn from under me. My light when not just the room goes dark, but when the universe collapses on itself and suddenly there's just one thing in the world. She is printed on my battle flag and she is the color of my handkerchief in my pocket. She is my penicillin, she is the nails in my house. She is my sanctuary, she is my relief, she is my shelter, she is the tack that holds me to the corkboard. She is that which I cannot function without. And then those that I worry about. California. Boston. Minnesota. Home. Away. Here. There. They're everywhere, and I worry about them. Why? Obligation? Devotion? Maybe it could be different. I need to find a new dream.