all i want to do is break down and cry. samantha, the girl i finally got to writing of, and who has been the love of my life for the past decade, is moving to the south island (insert witty remark about NZ being two islands, just to prove i'm still sane.) the big bummer here? i'm not. also i've just spent way too much renovating my room for a guy with no income(me). oh it's amazing how i can gripe at such irrelevant menial issues when MY MUPPET IS LEAVING ME. again. i sit and cry. (8)sometimes extacy, words mean so little and money less, when you're lying next to me and yet i continiue to go about my daily routines quite autonomously, this is only day 2!, oh i just don't know what to do with myself. it's one of those things, i know i can't change it, i just have to take it on the chin, be a man about it. someone please tell me what a man does when his best friend in the whole world. ever. period. bar none. moves away? i feel i might throw up. there is a pain inside me, as if my heart is going o implode, it's withdrawing deeper into my chest. i'm dizzy now. and saying that reminds me of a vietnam weteran saying "i am old now, i feel i've aged greatly, it's amazing, how old a man can grow on one patrol" shit. sam is the one chic on the planet worth dying/living/killing/gagging/yearning/singing/ and entirely being for. fuck *kicks something, and hurts his toe, as they do in movies, and only to add to the pain* i sit. and write this. to a computer. to the world. to people who offer fickle condolences. "he's being melodramatic" you'll say "looking for attention, it happens to everyone, he's hyperbolating it, it's nothing really." believe me, i wish. as i wrote in my letter to her, i'll be praying for her every fucking night, every fucking day, and always i'll be thinking just what it is i did to deserve this. an angry, sad, confused, indeed heartbroken -bob at seventeen minutes past two, on the twenty second of april twothousand and four also for those that don't know, enzso is a CD composed by the NZ band "split enz" and the auckland symphonic orchestra