the lill: who is this sam chick u are absolutly in love with??? i: who. hm. i could go on about how she's the most beautiful person alive, about how she made me happy for half my life, i could go on about her continiuing, unfaltering support for me through some pretty shit times. i could go on about how we'd spend evenings mucking around on grassy hilltops, nights eating really crap fast food, nights in bed. and in the morning i would sit on her porch smoking, and she would make us coffee, and it was the best damned coffee ever. or i could start about how her leving left me utterly bewildered, about how i cried for the first time in half a decade i could go on about how nothing was worth anything, about how i neglected everyone i should have been there for. i could tell you she's my chips, my muppet i could tell you i'd do anything for her.seven times seven. i could tell you a lot, but none of it counts for much, and what it comes down to is she is the one i love, and she is the one that loved me. and i miss the fuck out of her again, i fell asleep crying this afternoon, first time in 2 years. i just want her back, i want it to all be the way it was. i want someone to love. something clicked over in my mind today, and i think jen may have died. i'm too scared to ring and ask. i dont want to admit it, i want her to be alive. but i can feel her, she's not on this plane. i wish i could help her. it's not fair. not fair at all.