"every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..." yes that's right, semisonic- closing time. anyway, it's the end of my course, graduation tomorow, it's gonna be sad, and i'm not the most emotive person in the world. anyway, we went road tripping this week, up to cape reinga (non NZers will be saying wtf about now), but it's the northern most point of my beautiful little country. and i spent it with (more-or-less) beautiful people. i appreciate. i appreciate: oskar, for his almost constant suply of illicit substances for us to abuse, his never-ending cynicism, e'er witty comments, and the inspiration for me to grow facial hair again. i appreciate: katie-jane, although she wasnt with us the last few weeks cos she got a job, but cool chick, whether i's laughing with or at her, she kept me laughin, or scared, but most often laughing, she turned up when most others didn't and was just generally there. i appreciate: EmmaG, well, not so much , but she's been a fun chcik to have around, if at times annoying. when i haven't liked her for being her i've liked her for keeping katie away from me. haha. no, she's been e'er amusing for me in her own spastic way, that and she's been a reliable source of dakky. i appreciate: rueben. well. not really, but he was there so i figuired i should mention him. jokes, he's a good guy, despite that he's had a rather sheltered life, we fixed that i'm sure. another classic character, incredibly funny stoned. i appreciate: tinneal, and fucked if i spelt that right, she hasn't been seen for longer than katie but while she was here she was the "e'er knowledgable mother-figuire i really needed, but didn't want" she probably didn't like me much and certainly wouldn't write to her diary that she appreciated me, meh. so be it. i appreciate: mel, damn you aussie chiquita. has a nice rack, ahha. no she's been good to have around, always over-organised and telling us we spend too much on food. lovely girl i'm sure, lately though i've taken to taunting her, which i really shouldn't cos she's so nice, but she is also australian, and spoken for, thereby removing any redeeming features she may have. sorry girl, but you know i love ya.. and of course i appreciate: greg. without him there would've been no us, and vice versa, he's been funny, serious, spastic, best off he's a kicka55 guitar player and very shilled out. rules state we no drink or smoke, we drink or smoke, he looks other way. much appreciated. it is here i'll point out that only once has he told us off for drinking, and only because some other girl narked. yeesh, that must make me sound old. does anyone use the word narked any more? anyway, yes, he's provided hours of musical entertainment for us all with his guitar, which compliment perfectly the NZ camper's bonfire. so yeh. big ups mate. there are people i'll mention from other groups, but only in passing, if anyone is reading this i'm sure you've had enough already. i appreciate: john, lisa, lisa, nick, andre, taz, shane, george, lara, amy, scott, nash, woody, warimu, pablo, dylan, steve, darren, sally, even carmilla. yeh, big big ups to you all, i'll hug you all tomorow. I've just recieved a text from katie telling me i'm a creep for writing about her and promising she'd join me to coma out on emmas lawn tomorow. haha anyway. i will mis these peolpe alot, i really can't imagine life without you. and now for my remaining 2 rants: samantha and my lack of ability. samantha: i cannot stop thinking about her. i'm not sure if other people have this (problem?) but i just cannot get her out of my head, if i'm doign something, i'm thinking "would sam approve?, would she like to be here?" and any memory of her even remotely relevant spring to mind creating a rather pleasnt numbingly painful reminiscant state. anyway, is this normal or creepy and crazed ex-lover stalkerish? Lassitude. i (think) i used to be so good at so much. see, the problem with eyars of drug abuse is: it leaves you pretty fucked. i can't remember, but i get feelings as though i remember for all i know i could jsut have a really good imagination and have sucked at everythign all my life. but i dont thinkso. i'm sure i remember being good at back yard cricket, and gymnastics, and fighting, and i'm sure i had a mind like a steel trap. i know know that i'm: slightly less than average at by cricket better than most but not as good as i thought at gymnastics i don't even want to think about me in a fight (which i haven't had to for ½decade, i'm impressed, but i still thinki could kick a whole lot of a55) and my mind is slower, i'm not sure if my perception of time has just sped up so it seems relatively slow, but meh. anyway, i can't think as.. not logically, i can rationalise things perfectly, but i often miss links that id've seen instantly when i's younger. perhaps i'm just too old and dementia is setting in. and on that very cherry note i will leave you to ponder, and hopefully tell me if i'm normal or not ( this is not a mid-life crisis, by the way.) -B0b 2208|251104