i wrote the massivest entry in the history of massive entries. then due to computer error (BKC) i lost it. so it was an incredibly well-worded rant on about how i hate society, shoppers, shopping malls, shop assistants, americans, shop carparks, big shops, capitalism and consumerism. if you know me at all you'll know it was a grand piece of literature that is now (probably) fore'er lost to the world. second. i am cranky. i put my hadn through a window last night, cut it badly and bled a lot. then i dressed it, went to bed. at work i was doing fine, then my super saw me and told me to stop dripping blood everywhere. then he decided i should see the work nurse. i do. she takes my dressing off, replaces it with hers. the congealant in the "non stick" (it stuck, painfully) worked remarkably well, and a lot less painful than iodine. anyway, she sent me on my merry way to the land of paperwork. it is vast and mind numbingly boring. right. at the train station i decided, well, admitted to myself, that i am fucked thusly: samantha was a figment of my imagination, ergo i cannot have her ever again, because she doesn't exist anymore. if it isn't samantha, i dont much care for it. and therein lies the problem. i'll spell it out: i want something that doesn't exist, only that will make me some kind of satisfied. yuh. fucked ehh. i put my hand through a window last night. it hurt a bit. i realise i've become careless. my immediate concern was to provide medical attention to my hand, which i did. tsktsk. and i went into mild shock, the initial hit lasted possibly 2 minutes, it trailed until i fell asleep. again. tsktsk. meh. i shall further contemplate the troubles of my life/this world. *sigh* i've become introverted, egotistical, careless, uncaring, bitter, sardonic.. generally an arsehole. it is weird, life is my own, it is what i make of it, and i choose this. i dont want it, i want to be happy ahh, nother point, i want everything, that can be a nother entry. remind me. anyway, i want to be happy, and this doesn't achieve that as often as it should. hmmm. R0bness-2133|100505