first off, let me say this: concord dawn rocks. secondly, the mopey stuff: life just isn't the same, knowing i can't have her (sam), and so i'm gonna get me on a plane, and move down to see her. problem solved haye? i watched the sunset this evening. alone. it's been too long since we've held each other it's been so long since i've sat next to her it's been too long since we've kissed it's been so long but the pain isn't going away what happened to time: the great healer? i guess knowing it's temporary doesn't help, with that whole human psyke of closure, but there is none here, nothing's ended, nothing's finished. i'd like to imagine she feels the same, in truth she probably does, but somehow that seems biggoted of me. of all the four letter words (fuck, cunt, shit, crap, life, fish, them.. y'know what four letter words are) love would have to be the worst. and somehow the best, thinking back, fuck, i've had my time, it's been so good. to use a cliche my heart is wrenched. and it truly is, there's a pain inside me, it was physical, but now i'm not so sure, it hides itself, i think i want to find it, i think i want to feel the pain, rather than have it messing with my head. perhaps i'm in denial, perhaps we never loved at all. but it felt real, i guess i have to search for that feeling, the real one, the one of that damned four letter word love, and hold on to it. fuck, i've rambled, and if you got to the end of this conscious then well done, as usual you can contact me zell_nz@hotmail.com for MSN, zell_nz@operamail.com for e-mail. and i do need someone to talk to, about nothing, everything, anything. love, (?) Rob 1839|230504