december 24, 2008 you know when you have that ridiculous thought...it pops in your head for just a second or a minute...and you just think it would be so much easier...just maybe... i said it was ridiculous but seriously when do you figure out your purpose in life some i guess find they have amazing talents at the age of 5 and it's just not fair but me, i'm just not sure does it happen after you graduate from college? or find your career? or when you're married? have kids? travel the world? i've always liked people and kids and they just interest me but i feel like i put myself wholeheartedly into caring for others and putting myself out there (especially within the last few years) and i just don't feel cared for just one day...i want to feel it... wholeheartedly...from someone else maybe that day comes when you get married but really at this point marriage seems pointless and not even a real option anymore could i really be a therapist? it bothers me when i give advice and i feel like no one listens i know it's not bad advice ...and i know for myself i just need to experience things on my own to learn... but i just get annoyed when others don't listen to me because i just care so much when i'm trying to help but maybe i don't help...and then that is a whole other issue...maybe i won't even be good at what i thought i wanted to do my whole life! of course i still have at least 3 years until then to figure it out i guess but what else is my purpose in life? do i just need to pay my dues now and then one day it will all be paid back...(nah) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i'm so crazy, like really. i just wanted something to work. just one thing that i could understand and wrap my head around. just one thing that i knew if i worked hard it would fall into place i'm ready to work hard again i just wanted this one thing to work but i suppose it just won't if it's not a mutual feeling and what i'm receiving...isn't a mutual feeling but we'll never talk about it ...i'm slowly shutting down... ...inside and out...