every day is just so much harder than the last i'd never tell anyone that because i hate to burden people and honestly how could they help me i don't have a penny to my name i have negative pennies actually my mom has decided to be a complete bitch and only does what she feels she is obligated to do the one person i thought would be around forever just seems to hurt me more than anyone else and just doesn't give a damn about it i can't be healthy with someone if i'm not healthy alone but i can't be healthy alone...if i'm all alone sometimes i wish i was a virgin again i wish i didn't know what it meant to desire someone so much that every other person just doesn't compare in any way possible and that you just can't seem to get enough of them i wish i didn't know that i wish this was over becaue i do not know what to do with myself anymore with love with money with school with family and friends with life i know i act crazy. i know i overreact. i know this and it's hard to control sometimes, but i try. i just get so upset when i don't feel like i'm being understood or i'm just not being listened to. and when i feel so lost like its never going to end i want it to end i really do if i could start it over, i really think i might you're not supposed to regret things but if this is where it led me..then how can i not want to try and re-do it the last time i felt this hopeless was in 8th/9th grade when those who said they loved me just weren't there for me and didn't see me anymore when i just didn't know where to turn so i turned to those who seemed to be feeling the same way and resorted to the same things i did i've learned since then, really, i have but its hard sometimes not to want to resort to those things again especially now right now when you can't see whose on your side and who has your best interest at heart if i had the guts...i might do it if i didn't think it would piss some people off...i might do it but i'm just so tired of making the wrong decisions and making everyone else mad i shouldn't want to move away again, but i do. if no one is happy with me here then why not go somewhere else where no one even knows me i used to think that i was good at reading people that i was good at seeing how people really felt when they didn't want to say or were too embarrassed to say how they feel but i don't know what happened because i'm just not good at it anymore i thought i knew you i thought i knew how you felt but you're hiding from me more and more and that's what hurts the most everything is so screwed up what have i done? fuck