Always the friend, never the Girlfriend. Its been that way for almost my whole life, the few relationships I've had don't really count cause we were always friends...who fucked. I've always been ok with it, really it never did bother me...untill now that is. I'm getting sick as hell of being friends, I have enough fucking friends. I hate the words "I've met this great girl and things just happened, but I still want to be your friend and we can still talk". What the fuck and I supposed to say to that, am i supposed to be ok with the fact that we were going somewhere...but you threw it all away for the first slut to throw her open legs at you. its happened to me alot lately...I meet an AMAZING guy. everything is awesome...suddenly he meets another girl and were "Just Friends" and sometimes we have to HIDE being friends cause if she found out she would leave him. tell me, if shes restricting your life that much how are you ever going to be happy? the worst part is I tell them I'm ok with it. I make them think it doesn't matter, that I'm not hurting cause you led me on for a month and then went off with some other girl. The reality is it hurts alot, but i'm far too proud to ever admit to any guy that he managed to make me feel like that. sometimes i just wanna ask...what does she have that I don't? im not sure what else to say...other then I'm sick of it, and i'm not going to try anymore and i'm not putting myself outthere cause this always happens.

snipits from the glee soundtrack that truely sump shit up right now..... Don`t Stop Believin, Hold on to That Feelin..... I can`t fight this feeling any longer, and yet I`m still afraid to let it flow. What started out as friendship, has grown stonger. I only wish I had the strength to let it show. Can anybody find me somebody to Love Hands touching hands, reaching out. Touching me touching you. and now for lyrics to a song (from glee⁄wicked) that i absolutly love...(the lyrics are the glee version) Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap! It's time to try Defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity Kiss me good-bye I'm Defying gravity And you wont bring me down! I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost! I'd sooner buy Defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity And you wont bring me down!

Today’s rant is about people who make arguments and judgments without the information to back any of it. This one though was inspired by one specific friend with whom I had a very long, heated debate about two songs/artists. Tyson is a friend of mine who is a HUGE music snob, but alas I still love him. We recently got together for drinks and the song ‘Whatcha Say’ by Jason Darulo came on the radio. His reaction was one I hadn’t expected, considering normally hes a fan of Jason Darulo’s style of music. He says “this song is fucking shit I can’t believe people like it, it’s a total rip off of Hide and Seek” I was actually kind of perplexed by his statement cause their not the same song at all. I pointed out to him that it’s not the same song, it’s not a cover, and it simply contains one section of the song in the chorus. I wouldn’t say that I’m a huge Imogen Heap fan, but I do enjoy a few songs. More specifically I like the song ‘Hide and Seek’. It’s a good song it has nice flow and I really do enjoy it. That being said I am slowly becoming a fan of Jason Darulo. Before recently I had actually never heard of him, but upon finding out he has several songs available on iTunes I decided to download them and have a listen. He is actually a very talented artist his songs are good, catchy and they have decent lyrics. I’m not saying hes a lyrical genius but he has talent and he could easily make it a commercially marketable artist. Now the argument that Tyson made is one I have heard from at least 10 of my friends. And to all of them I would like to say: HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY LISTENED TO JASON DARULO’S SONG??????????? Obviously you haven’t. At least not very closely, because if you have you would know that ‘Whatcha Say’ and ‘Hide and Seek’ are in fact two very different songs. The only lyrics in the entirety of both songs that match up are as follows: Mmmm whatcha say Ooh that you only meant well? Well of course you did Mmmm whatcha say Mmmm that it’s all for the best? Because it is Mmmm whatcha say Ooh that you only meant well? Well of course you did Mmmm whatcha say Whatcha say (whatcha say) wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say? Yes that’s right folks the CHORUS in ‘Whatcha Say’ is in fact taken from the song ‘Hide and Seek’. And it’s actually directly taken….not re-recorded by Jason Darulo. It’s the same fucking track just put to a beat. And that right there is were the similarities between the two songs end. The lyrics from the rest of the songs (which are easily googled) are not the same. So please stop saying that Jason Darulo needs to get his own lyrics, he has them for this song and about 5 others. Here’s the other thing that gets me, several people have made the assumption that he ‘stole’ that part of the song. He didn’t. There are these funny laws called Copyright Laws. They prevent people from taking other peoples things and claiming them as their own. For Jason Darulo to release this song with the exact track used in Hide and Seek he would need permission. This means that people heard his concept for the song, liked it, and said “sure you can use part of our track in your song.” I’m sure it didn’t go exactly like that but you get my point. I know a lot of people keep comparing these songs, which is stupid because there is nothing to compare. Their not two different versions of the same song, nor are they two songs in a similar musical genre. Also the artists are on two different levels, one is going for the commercial mass appeal while the other is making music they like regardless of if it’s a commercial success. It’s like comparing an apple and a kiwi. There are not enough similarities to do a proper comparison. Also, on another note a lot of other artists do this, and yet this is the first time I have heard so many people get so upset with it. I mean no one made a stink when Rihanna took the lyrics from Michael Jackson. So please to all the ‘haters’ out there who feel the need to start an argument over something like this, have the information to back your self. Cause when you don’t you look like a fool. And please stop being such music snobs, it makes you seem close minded and petty. and if you dont believe me after all this, liston to both of the songs....you'll see what i mean by they have next to no similarities. also note i'm not saying one song is better then the other, thats my opinion and my opinion of either artist has nothing to do with this. its simple fact thats they are not the same and im sitck of people saying they are.

i'm giving up...and not in a bad way I think this is going to be good for me cleansing even if not awesome I've given up on casual sex no more sleeping with boys who dont care no more 2 am booty calls... i will not let my life go down the road again I'm also not dating anymore. i've been doing it...casually with different boys and i dont want to do it anymore. they all turned out to be rotten fruit see its a posative kind of giving up... i think im just gonna enjoy being single having fun doing stupid shit and living my life... im getting a tattoo i've decided to commemorate this its a new page in life a new chapter and thus it deserves new body art. so whos gonna lend me the money?? havent decided what im getting but the ideas are there. by the time i have the money it'll be all good.

PROS OF BEING WITH SLEAZY T -hes very attractive -he has a good job -hes social and has alot of friends -hes independant and can live for him self CONS OF BEING WITH SLEAZY T -He smokes too much pot -he cant keep plans (always bailing) -he only wants to hang out late at night -he disappears for days at a time with no contact and then txts me like its nothing -he drives a sunfire...enough said -he thinks cruise night is stupid PROS OF BEING WITH MARK -hes got a stable job -hes smart -he drives an import -he has sweet hook ups -he likes to have fun -he makes good money -hes mildly attractive -he knows what turns me on (and isnt afraid to use it) -he likes cruise night -he gets the scott thing CONS OF BEING WITH MARK -he works ALOT -hes not that hott -he plays computer games(tho not as much as dbag) -his cellphone is broken alot (iphones are gay) so there you have it....marks a winner

if you know me you know me.... you know that when i fall i fall HARD. i try not to fall at all. for fear that falling with only lead to me hurting. i jump to conclusions get anxious and upset. my life was a hell of alot easier when i just slept with boys i like and didnt let my emotions or feelings affect anything. well i let down my wall. and i'm a fucking idiot for it. i think....i dont know anymore. i like this boy....alot. hes smart and funny and flirty and cute and better then any other asshole or dbag i've ever been with. i let my wall down and i let him in...and then he kinda stood me up tonight. and then he had a valid reason...and now i'm hoping we can make plans again. i hate falling and i wish i wasnt falling i wish i wasnt involved and didnt have feelings for him. if i could turn them off i would. i'm waaaaaayyyyy to afraid of being hurt again. its happened sooo many times before. i just want this to work. please let it work. my wall is temporarily going back up.....at least for a little bit. just untill i'm not afraid anymore....this is tooo similar to ty n jay and i just i dont know i really dont know...i want someone to do it for me.

I've heard this song a hundred times before but I've never really listened to it until now. i get it... I see your face in my mind as I drive away, Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people, And sometimes we change our minds. But it's killing me to see you go after all this time. Mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie, It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see. Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around. And we know it's never simple, Never easy. Never a clean break, noone here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to. Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. But people are people, And sometimes it doesn't work out, Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out. And we know it's never simple, Never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to. It's two a.m. Feelin' like I just lost a friend. Hope you know it's not easy, Easy for me. It's two a.m. Feelin' like I just lost a friend. Hope you know this ain't easy, Easy for me. And we know it's never simple, Never easy. Never a clean break, noone here to save me. Ohhh I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to. Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm) Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm) Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm) Sorry

its the first of many letters and thoughts i want to say but dont know how to say it. this ones for ty n jay.... i miss the way things useed to be. how we use to sit around for hours by the pool and talk about everything under the sun and stars. when we would enjoy martinis and wine and pretend we were adults when we knew that it was all pretend. when days were filled with lunches and evenings with parties. i lived the life with you it was my pretend. everything was simple then there was no drama tension or anger. i miss the parties where i got to walk in with three of the hottest guys on my arms, where every girl was jelous of me. i mean why wouldnt they i had three boys the most wanted boys in your group. i miss the countless cruise nights and drinks on corydon. the summer walks down park and wellington admiring the houses and talking about how the four of us should buy a house together. i miss how we used to plan our futures together so that we would never be appart. forever and always that was us best friends till the end. I miss everything. you know its been one year since dillan died, do you guys remeber the promise we made at his funeral. I do, we promised that on the one year anniversary we would all go to his niche and each place a single white cala lilly....i know you two didnt, but i did. i didnt forget, i'll never forget him or the promise we made....remember what else we promised..that we wouldnt let anything tear us appart and look at us know. if D could see us know he would scream, hell i wanna scream. what happened to us? what happened the musketeers? maybe next year you guys will remember maybe next year you wont forget all about your BEST FRIEND. i'm disappointed in you both. i wrote this down not knowing if i would ever send it. if i do thats good it means that i've finally worked up the courage to tell you everything that been eating at me for a few months now. i miss him, i miss you..BOTH of you. i miss us.

theres so many thoughts and things running through my head. i dont know if i can manage to get them down in writing. i've been trying for days now and its just sounds like trite bullshit. trying to be poetic about how i feel. fuck being poetic....poetic is pretty and god knows this isnt pretty. i hurt on sooo many levels. the past couple of days thinking about everything hes done to me. every little thing. emotionally i'm a wreck i feel sorry for any guy who trys to get involved with me right now. he would be taking alot of flak for things that arent him. physically i'm hurting even more, the pain of losing him has litterly become physical and its cause me to get sick....i was fine until he said that the baby is forsure his. that made it final....i cant take him back now. and now that its final ir hurts like a bitch. before i could bear it....i could deal with him being maybe with another girl, but now there this real life attachment to her and i cant deal with it. i actually puked when i read his email. it was disastrous. i've never gotten sick from reading an email. its amazing the things that boy has been able to do to me. its scary too, i let my self get way too involved with him and i got in too deep and now i'm fucked. thats right FUCKED!!! i wont be letting this one happen again. sda;v mbzaer'ohva nt.e/jivga' rlkjgdn"Orih much better, i had a sudden urge to just bash the keyboard. it happens when i'm overly frusterated...especially with him. i wanna get out, just leave and get away from evrything. i dont know where i would go....i'm going to edmonton at the end of april...maybe i'll find something out there. i wanna go i just dont wanna leave my family and friends and job behind. their what matter in my life and without them i have nothing. s;lvh r['woghtW'ROHGTOtgi again frusteration.... i'm at the fucking bottom and things can only go up from here

Your words hurt. 'I'm over it' not exactly the reply I want to hear when I tell you I love you. It took me close to 2 years to figure it out and finally say it....I'm sorry it took so long. but your words aren't what hurt...well they hurt but not as much as your actions. I'm supposed to be your best friend, so why are you always lieing to me why are you keepings things from me. You gave her my ring and my proposal, why because she claims to have your baby. Get a DNA test and sign a prenup please..protect your self you deserve more then that. The bad part if i has to find this out from our best friend and your roommate. Your a bad friend, I hate to say it but your a really shitty friend. You keep secrets from me, you lie, you dont even fucking call or email or txt anymore. I guess were growing apart..it was bound to happen but i didnt think it would be this soon. i thought we would at least have a few more months maybe even years. I hope you now this fucking hurts!!! It kills me to think i'm losing you as a friend, because you've been there when no one else was. your the one person who has seem me at my absolute worst and you stayed my friend. you didnt judge me for the things i've done or the choices i've made. Whos gonna be my rock, my love, my friend, my confident. you're gone. as much as i dont want to admit i've lost i have. i'm not the the most important person in your life hell i'm not even 4th string anymore. its like you forgot about me. it hurts right now alot and maybe one day i'll get over it and deal with it, but right now i'm hurting and its all your fault. I Hate You. It's all the words I wish I could say.

not to change the subject but your facebook status explain? its ty not t use a stupid cliche but im at the end of my rope with him hey its all good, it helps explain situations sometimes i dont know what to think or do or act or anything i just cant keep up with mood changes and feeling changes and fuck his christmas gift that i didnt accept one minute he tells me hes happy with this chick he met at AA the next hes buying me a fucking DIAMOND RING for christmas you dont give a diamond ring to a friend i dont giv eoyu diamond rings jay doesnt give me diamond rings hes been getting tyson to keep tabs on me to know if i'm hooking up with someone or not because he doesnt think i should because of everything that happened before he left say what!!!! i know thats ridiculous why didnt you say anything before!!? when did this happen sunday after christmas i didnt know what to do i havent told anyone i wouldnt know either between his phonecalls and emails and him getting tyson to come after me i just finally hit my breaking point if he cared that much hed still be here for one thing and for another, what the FUCK thats my issue its like he fucking left me here after i asked him to stay i fucking BEGGED him to stay and he still said no and then he does this and hes fucking upset at me beacause i told tyson taht if the right came along i wouldnt say no right guy* what the hell is up with him really i dont know like i dont know if its normal for addicts to turn all crazy like and such im not sure.... hmm well i can understand at some point yeah but who knows its frusterating hes amazing one of my best friends and i just dont know what to do im giving up ugh i dunno what id even do =( its been bugging for a week now and i just hit my breaking point tyson told me i should stay single untill ty comes back becuase he really loves me he just needed time i've given him ALOT of fucking time 3 fucking years of time im sick of giving him time if he loved me like tyson says he does then he would be here right now with me NOT in arizona with some dumb bimbo this is driving me to drink and i've been smokeing a hell of alot more weed then i normally would cause its the only thing that keeps me calm like now im freaking out AGAIN!!! im sorry i asked haha thats not okay though does he K NOW this is driving you nuts? well i tried telling me he said im being selfish talking about me and trying to make things about me a small part of me a wishing he just stayed an addict and left my life it would be soo much easier i thought i would get rid of all this shit this year this year wasnt supposed to start like this him*** not me i just about hate him for making my year like this and its ok its kinda nice to finally get it all out for once i'm freaking out and some is listening usually im ffreaking out to my self this makes me feel less crazy lets call it an exerp of my current mental status which i shall be calling crazy or phsyco or i dont know men suck......is that a mental staus??? it should be it explains EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! so signing off cause i'm kinda sleepy -LO-

So I've always thought the morning after wasn't supposed to feel like this The morning after is supposed to be a good feeling The night before felt great Amazing, Free, Happy, Me Everything I always want But this morning isn't the mornings where I remember Cause last night wasn't drinking to forget Last night was just drinking But this morning I remembered sooo much more then ever before I dreamed about his car The crash That night It played over and over again 100 times Just as clear as that night almost 4 years ago It was terrifying The more I tried to wake up The more it hurt I woke up in a cold sweat screaming Scared the shit out of my parents Their worried now Last time I did that was October 11, 2004 That was when S started to see "someone" Now they think I should go back Some thing triggered it Some thing someone said or did It's never happened like that Usually I get restless around his birthday and the anniversary But never just out of the blue like And never to that extent I was literally screaming Mom said I screamed out "Please Scott come back don't leave me" I was in hysterics Something is wrong I think I have a problem I know I have a problem Drinking every weekend to forget all the pain Forget about Scott Forget about Dillan Now Jay leaving to arizona Before I used to use drugs That's how I subdued the pain Now I'm drinking Not sure which is worse Not sure which is better Their both expensive They both kill the pain If only for the night They both make me feel like shit the morning after I wish I could forget it all There are LOTS of good memories I know that But this past year it feels like All I can remember are the bad ones All I can remember is the car And seeing him laying in the pine box Lifeless I keep telling my self that's not how to remember him But I cant get it out of my head Then I think about Dillan Laying in the hospital bed With no light in his eyes No sparkle in his smile He looked so tired and almost gone It hurt so much when he died Almost as much as when Scott died It was different tho With Scott it was such a sudden thing that I was lost With Dillan we knew it would happen But it still hurt soooooo fucking badly Losing them has consumed me I just I just don't wanna get the help I'm afraid to admit to my parents I'm afraid to tell them just how weak I am 4 fucking years and I still haven't even STARTED to get over it Some days I tell my self that hes not gone That hes still here Just on vacation 4 fucking years and I still don't wanna believe it I can't tell them that I can't tell my family that I'm still having problems Their all getting along fine They think I am too And I would like to keep it that way I just wish things were easier to deal with I wish I still had someone to turn to People just don't get it x Kristna

heres some new stuff and some old stuff...just some favorites.... Gone - Jan 22/07 Thoughts of yesterday creep upon my shallow heat Why did you leave me? Where did you go? Was it something I did or something I said or was it more simple an accident your time to go 20 years young, and gone tragedy too you from me nothing will bring you back 2 year pass and still... IT FUCKING HURTS not as much as it did then...but still The Days - Jan 26/07 today was a day not like yesterday or any other it was like the days 2 years ago the where i refused to move refused to speak the days where i felt that a smile would kill me when i wouldn't sleep cause you haunted my dreams when all i did was lay in bed and cry the days were i would pray this was all a dream i don't know why i still have those day why i lay awake at night crying wishing you would come back the days where i give it all up just see you again.. TODAY - July 13/08 Today...today was a bad day Worse then all my other bad days I awoke with that feeling The old one...where I don't remember I don't remember the night before I don't remember his name How did i get here? What happened? All the same questions race through my mind I'd blame it on the vodka But lets not kid our self's 1, 2, 3....10 shots its my choice I never thought this would happen again I've prided the years on being better then this its irresistable the lure of just forgetting everything Forgetting Him Forgetting all of them Forgetting your gone and now here I sit Remembering all of it... you being gone hits me the hardest just like every other time and then the vicious circle starts again... Remember....Drink to Forget....Remember again me like you like????? -LO

ok so i've been thinking alot lately about me and jayme realtionship.... decided it was biggest mistake of my life, felt like i wasted 19 months of my life doing nothing:P but i dont regret it cause it helped me realize that i keep settling...and i need to stop. i make this vow now and forever... I will NEVER AGAIN settle for a guy, i will look for the good one the one i want, the one who will make me truely happy. speaking of happy Jacob called me last night, out of no where was driving home from picking up new car (08 civic red sexy) we chatted. let me know that he is FORSURE going to be here for dawson trail days social, am VERY excited at this. have decided that i need hot guy at dawson trail days, must make jayme jelous and need someone to be my friend while everyone is off with jayme. since he will be there and we share the same friends its kinda inevitable. and just think now with jake comming will have not only 1 but 2 cute guys to make jayme jelous. ryan said he will make jayme jelous for me....which is good jayme HATES ryan!!! works in my favour that we dated before i dated jayme. now to a completely different topic...... have discovered i am VERY high maintence like more so then normal people. i have princess complex, is good and bad thing all at once. also have very expensive taste brand names, designer names, i refuse to buy cloths from walmart, im too good for it....not taht i openly admit it but yea im too good for shit like that. i have respect for my self and i need a man who can afford me.....which so far all i've found is Jays and hes a no no. cant date a guy whos like a brother to me, just WAY too awkward. also have very high standards so far....not alot of men who meet said standards...not even close. not much else to report....yea --LO--

So last weekend was a great one, I'm talking like one for the record books, spent the whole weekend with Chelsea K. First off on Friday i went to her place after she was off work, and we sat and talked, were totally gossip girls for a good 2 hours and then we decided to crack open the rum (polished off the bottle) and at around 1:00am we decided we wanted to get high like REALLY BAD!!!! and we must have called like every single dealer we know, like 30 people and got nothing. finally after a while we found Jamie her co-worker, we went to his place smoked a bowl, smoked a joint, had the last drink of the Bacardi and took a cab home.....yea we kinda used him for his free weed. and to make things even better he gave chel a gram to take home and didn't ask for anything, super awesome!!!!!! we got home and pretty much crashed in her bed which is SUPER COMFY!!!!! like for reals. woke up on Saturday around 10:30 when her sister called to say she was out side the appt. and then Carly came over, shes on of chels friends/almost family. the 4 of us were gonna go to the beach but we ended up sitting around all after noon talking and playing games like "expose all your deep dark secrets" it was good times. then LJ came over at around 2:00pm cause he was sposed to come Friday with weed but he worked too late, so he came Saturday with 1/2 an ounce of weed, and man was it good. we started smoked at 5:00pm and didn't stop for 6 hours it was nuts!! (chel, me n LJ were the only ones smoking) any who we cracked out the booze and decided to play a nice game of fuck you, after the booze ran out me chel and LJ decided that instead of drinks we would do hits front the bong, wow was i ever fucked up, it was awesome greatest feeling ever, chel though she was gonna die. it was a great night!!! Sunday morning me and chel woke up feeling TOTALLY AMAZING! and then we went to the mall cause ash chels sister stole her work shoes the night before when we were burnin out and in chels room. and then we went to LJ's appt and smoked a Lil and then we went swimming in the pool, wow awesome feeling good time, i had soo much fun just letting loose for once. I missed how much fun i used to have before i was with Jayme, things like last weekend used to happen all the time, i gave up so much for him and made my self a miserable bitch. its nice to be again and have friends who will accept that (Jayme is freaking that me and LJ hung out since LJ is like his BEST FRIEND!) and on a side not i get to see Jacob on Friday. Me, Chel, and Dave are going out to steinbach cause hes gonna be there for work and were gonna go out to the bar. I'm stoked cause Jacob is soo friggen cute and awesome and easy to talk with!! and i kinda liked him when i met him back in February but i was with Jayme so i decided to be a good girl and stay away, but im single now and yea you can imagine the rest. by the way LC if you read this dont be mad at me for getting high, i just wanted to do all the things i used to do before Jayme. its not gonna get worse, and im not slipping back to the way things were, no fears im in a good place, no sad stuff here!!! LOVE LO!!

Alot has changed in my life since last i wrote i've broke up with jayme and im happy i wasnt for a really long time. i've got a new job at a roofing company and i love it. i've got some of old friends back, freidn i sorta pushed to the side when i was with jayme Like B, WEre friends again and I LOVE it, hes my go to guy, my everything. nikki thinks were written in the starts i think were just REALLY good friends. Jays is talking to me again, i kinda let hima nd ty go, cause jayme didnt like them, im glad their back i missed them alot and most recently theres LC, i did a really bitch thing to her which i feel super bad about, but im glad shes back and im glad we canstart to rebuild things. i dont have alot to say right now i'll wright more later -K

k so yea kristina isnt here right now...shes upstiars makeing tending to our cookies, and since she hasnt updated this thing like EVER I think i will for her. for starters she got a job at destination mazda and im pretty sure the girl loves it, expecially when she gets to check out the cutie chris! i will admit he is rather attractive. she got fired form magic scarf....that night she was oddly happy, so i guess it was a good thing i dont really know. she has been dateing alot!!! but no boyfriends yet but tahts ok if she gets a boy that means that i lose my party buddy!! currently were makeing cookies cuz today is Jayson's 21st birthday! (jayson being my big brother) and were pretty stoked on that one! we throwing a surprise party on saturday!! and in other news i graduate soon and im stoked my grad date is soo HOTTT!!! shes short and has long brown hair and an amazing rack...haha yea i couldnt find a date so kristina is comming as my date! im suc a fag..oh well! kristina yelled at me yesterday we were all at dillans chillin in the hot tob and i was like you know guys we are sooooooo laguna beach and then kristina was all like TELLE you stupid hoe were sooooo NOT laguna beach and then i proceeded to call her "LC" i thought she was like kill me no jokes folks..hehe that rimes!!! k so enough with my faggishness kristina is calling me to come and help her with the birthday cookies!!! see ya'll later loves ya ta death!!! Chantelle ps:im single!!!!:D

you know whats crazy......another one of my cuzins got engaged, thats right my cuzin daniel got engaged to his girl friend jamie on sunday....how crazy is that! now theres gregory and ashley, and daniel and jamie, and ryan and jess wow too many weddings this is way too crazy. ne who not much is new work still sucks, went out cruzin on sunday, it was good time. i missed all that fun stuff, been talkin to jeff, as in heather wallis' ex bf yea i dont think he knows who i am...:| well i dont know what else to say -kristina

so yea i'm done school finally!!! soo happy, and yea easter was a good time, i love spending time with my family their the grestest people ever!!! My grampa passed away last sunday, the leukemia got the best of him, but its better this way he doesnt suffer. my gramma told me something he said that made me cry, she said she was talking to him and he said "We have the best family I could ask for" that comming from my grampa means alot, he wasnt one to show his feelings alot, unless it was about his grandkids, he loved everylast one of us, and he was always so proud of us. i remember the one time he came to one of my dance recitles and i couldnt have been happyer. it was only like 2 years ago and just knowing that he was there to watch me dance made me soo happy. The funeral is this Friday (tomorrow) at st. joseph the worker, my familys church. haven't been there for mass in a while, this should be interesting. me and my cuzins traci and stephanie are doing the first reading, i hate bible verses their soo hard to read!!! and what sucks more is we only get the verse like 30 min before the mass starts:P gotta love father ron and his crazy ideas!! silly old man. my cuzins gregory, daniel, and garrett are doing the eulegy(sp?) my nonna insisted on us taking part in the mass because to nonno we were the world, he loved us, theres no two ways about it. well thats really all there is for now. -kristina

Ok so yea hmm. i'm waiting for my exam to start it doesnt start till 10:00 its 9:15 so yea. i sent an e-mail to mike tellin him to call me after 3 when im done my exams so that we can figure out whats goin on wednesday. were gonna chill or whatever, im kinda nervous cuz i really sorta like him and hes NOTHING like any other guy i've ever dated or anything so yea i dont know. so yea this weekend was stressfull to say the least, with everything with my grampa its makeing things really hard to deal with. all we can do right now is wait, they cant do a bone marrow transplant, it would kill him cause hes soo old and week. were just makeing him comfortable waiting for him to pass away. just kinda sad first scott, now gramps totally not likeing this much! well not sure whatelse to write got mad exams this week and working and everything.yea not excited. so yea im outtie -kristina-