to be or not to be? that is the question.....seems appropriete to how i feel right now. with the lovely joy of christmas now fast approaching i seem to be going into a deeper and deeper depression. everyday gets harder everymoment i want to breakdown. i just dont know any more, things just arent good right now and sometimes i just feel like i should end all the hurt and suffering i go thru and be with him, i would happy wouldnt i? i just miss him so much and nothing can take that hurt away....nothing no matter how hard people try i will always deep down be broken inside nothing can fix me now. i wish things werent this way....i wish he was still here i wish i didnt cry myself to sleep at night....i wish i could tell my friends what i'm going thru but i cant i just cant its like they think this is getting old and i should be over it by now but i'm not i'm never gonna be over it i lost a big part of me and i'm never getting it back you cant expect me to be happy....altho they think i am. outwardly to the whole world i appear so happy just dandy...well i'm not! i'm depressed i cry every night inside i'm hollow dead to the world and everything around me. i cant help it its just how i am. i hate that christmas is comming up and i'm gonna wake up christmas morning and its not gonna be the same, he wont be there, he'll never be there ever again and i dont know how to deal with that i dont know how i'm supposed to feel about that. i dont know anything right now.....i dont wanna be here anymore its all become too much i'm stressed and i have clinical depression....altho this is helping with my acting skills i appear fine and normal but i'm not but people cant tell because i act it so well.... this isn't a very merry christmas kristina