im sick of writing in here to please people. im tired of not being able to express my true thoughts and feeling just becuase im scred my friends will get mad at me. but im through with that. in this entry, i will tell all. ggrrrr. i have to admit...well ya...i still have feelings for tyler (MY tyler....from reno)...but not like i used to. but that really doesnt have to do with anything last night...after the talent show...me, colin, josh rivers, marisa hailey, shaun, eric, tyler henshe, and small paul all went to christians party. the thing is...there were some hotties there..and while i was sitting on the couch with colin...i was checking them out...thinking...oh yes...right now if i wasnt with him..id go get drunk (im sorry shelby, i kno wull be dissapointed...but these are my thoughts...this is me) and introduce myself to a guy and who klnows what would happen, but i can already tell..being halfway tied down sux. i dont even know if i like colin. ya i know hes a great guy...and hes really sweet and what not..but i just dont know if i like him. this reminds me of a theme in a midsummer nights dream...that love is blind. and its not based on reason. well ya...if it was...and if i could control who i liked..i'd like colin. but i dont know if i do. i feel sooo bad tho. but this is what im feeling, and this is the only way to express it. i could tell he was coming close to kissing me yesterday...and i knew it...but i would just look away. at one point he told me to look at him...but i was like no..but i dont think he knew that i knew what he was planning on doing. i just need a break. already. i just need to live on the edge...and hookup with people. but i dont know. im not the relationship type of girl.*shurugs*