Funny. I've had this thing since Freshman year. What a wild ride it's been. Love. Some people believe it's all you need. What if it's not? There ARE people out there that end up being alone until the day they die. So why does it hurt so bad to see couples around me? I couldn't fall in love with him. What was the point? Maybe I could. Maybe I just didn't let myself. I've become so nagative about things. Today McKenna got flowers from her boyfriend. After thinking how lucky she was and how sweet her boyfriend may be, I emediatly started to panic. Simple gestures like this can make a girl fall. Once a girl falls, it makes it even harder to get back up. I'm just sick of being hurt. Sometimes it's all I ever know. Sometimes I wish I had more respect for myself. Having sex with Allen and talking to him was not smart. Ever heard the expression you don't know what you have until it's gone? Well it's true. So what if the relationship didn't have passion. If it wasn't a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. It was comfortable. But is comfortable possible? Can you be with someone for the rest of your life who you aren't passionatly in love with but comfortable with? Maybe. All I know is this sucks. It sucks, it hurts, and I don't even know what to do. Everytime I see him I can feel it in my stomach. I just want to go up to him and run into his arms and know that everything will be okay. This is the first time that I've cried. Maybe writing it down is making me think about it. I can't go and run to other guys anymore. I need to be me. I need to love me. With or without him. So what if he is immature? He's quiet. He'll grow up someday. I just need to take a vicodin and pass out. I would love to crawl into a hole and never come out. I just want everything to come back to normal. Normal, comfortable. Him. We deserved eachother. We completed eachother. There's not many people you can talk to like we used to talk. Our hands and bodies fit together like a puzzle piece. I'm meant to be in those arms. I'm just too stubborn to admit it to him. If i did, I know he wouldn't even want to look me in the eye. God Fuck Dylann. I'm not telling her anything anymore.