STORY TIME here's whats goin on.. last week, ryan's "friend" called him. she wants him to drive to new jersey with her because she's moving there or something? i don't know the whole story, but i know she wants him to drive up there with her and stuff for 5 or 6 days. and i know that he wants to go. yesterday, i was with emily driving around then we went to sean's. it was cody & michelle, emily & sean and then kristie. so i called ryan to see what he was doing & to see if he wanted to come to sean's. he was drunk at the tree of life with melanie (the chik that he's going to new jersey with). and he asked me if it was okay with me if he went with her and stuff. he could tell i didn't want him to and that i was pissed & whatnot. which i was. kinda alot. and iduno, i was really upset so i called sarah and her and george came and picked me up. later last night, hansli imed me and asked how me and ryan were. so i told him about the whole new jersey thing. hansli said that melanie and ryan went out before he started going out with me. i really am uncomfortable with that. he doesn't know i know that she's his ex yet, but i definetly need to fucking talk to him. after i talked to hansli, i was talking to mike (which felt good cuz i haven't talked to him in so long). we were talking about the whole thing and i really have no idea what to do. i don't know if i should trust mike about ryan because he was right about peter and robbie, or if i should just trust myself and trust ryan anyway. at this point, ryan can pretty much fuck me over. i'm in love with him, there's nothing i can do about it. i'm so scared of losing him. i'm guna talk to him today, hopefully, but i have no idea what to tell him. honestly, i really don't want him to go with her. but i know he wants to and she wants him to. i don't wuna be like "yeah, um.. don't go i don't want you to.." but at the same time i don't wuna be like "okay go i don't care do what you want" cuz... fucking hell. i don't know anymore. i need to talk to him and get shit straightened out. i would have felt a little better if she wasn't his ex, much less right before me, but she is. that'd be like me going somewhere far away with michael or robbie for a week. and i know he wouldn't like that AT ALL. fuck me. blah. what the fuck should i do?