i really feel like i am going to die, my life is just so fucking AHHHH! i hate it so much right now. ugh i cant believe i did that i am such a fuckin jerk i hate myself. grrr i just want to die i am really starting to think everyone would just be better off without me everything is so messed up..this year was going fine till i screwed everything up i dont want next monday to come,only a certain few know why and GRRRRRR if that day comes i dont know if i can take it i know its not going to be good its just this feeling that i have. i cant take that. i am so afraid of myself right now, i took 7 or 8 pain killers today and i took like 5 0r 6 yesterday. i am really starting to freak myself out cuz its not like i want to kill myself idk its wierd i dont want to die i dont want to be weak like that but i am taking these pills non stop and half the time i dont even realize how many i have took. idk i need to get them out of my face. my hands are shkaing wicked badly right now and my head hurts so bad. ugh i am just going to go lay down or something idk -- I wish you were here with me. I just want to hold you close, touch you, look into your eyes, and tell you everything I feel for you. I would tell you exactly how much you mean to me, and how happy you make me. I'd tell you how much I love to be around you, and how much I miss you when you're away. I would tell you that you're my hero, my savior, my angel, and you're who I've been praying for. But most of all...I'd tell you...I love you. i miss him so much i have been pondering this for a long time now: does he even care?