why am i so stupid? this whole break up thing makes me feel like an idiot, why didn't i see it coming? i still don't really know why he did it, he was avoiding me all today. coward. what a childish thing to do. no matter, i was busy with actual work. i had a long talk with jackie, she kind of went out with him lastyear... she didn't tell me till now that she had received annonymous phone calls telling her not to go out with him, that he was a bad guy. too bad she didn't tell me that earlier. ugh today was so weird. but this whole situation made me realize how many people actually do care...if even a little about me. i guess he just doesn't know how to handle relationships? i don't know. i was just taken by such surprise...i didn't see it coming. now that i look back...well..no. nothing could've told me something as big as that were to happen. as for santa fe. oh it was so much fun. it was weird, going to the movies, hanging with them, people that i only saw in the camp setting. if only we all lived near each other. they're so wonderful and funny. so many good memories (and pictures!) what a time for him to do it though, me in post santa fe depression (similar to post camp depression)and then that. i don't know if its humanly possible, but i really think i felt my heart drop down to my guts when he said 'we need to talk' what did he mean we need to talk. he did most of the talking. i just sat there, not able speak. thank goodness for david's and starbucks. you know you have an amazing friendship when you can tell their MOTHER what happened. and then you can cry to them on the phone and not feel embarassed. and then they come to pick you up in a moments notice and take you to get carmel machiato. thanks davie. it'll hurt and be weird for a little while. considering i still really liked him when he dumped me. but as always. i know i'll get over it. just need to hold my head up, look straight ahead, and keep walking.