i dont think ive ever felt this way before. ive never felt like i needed a boyfriend in my life to be happy. and this is true...because whenever i do have one, they rarely make me happy. and this is where my dissatisfaction and doubt lies. i am scared that i will never know what it feels like to love and to be loved in return. all my attempts have failed me and i am starting to seriously doubt any interaction of this sort ever happening. its not fair, i am not jealous of her. i dont want him. i am jealous of what they did have. that they were able to experience such strong emotions and devotion to each other. they knew one another like the back of their hand. and then i turn to myself. i can see my reflection in the mirror but i will never know what i really look like from the outside. if i were not me, would i like the person that was me? am i as consistent and predictable as say, wyatt or becca, in my ways? do i think too hard? sometimes i am scared that one day the whole world will just end. that we humans are careless. that one day everything will just run out. that all of the water will have dissappeared because of our waste and that what we consider to be trash will take over. i am afraid of global warming and the o-zone layer dissappearing. the glaciers will melt, dramatically changing the depth of our oceans, allowing its waters to overflow the mainland. i am afraid that the earth will have to face another ice age. i am afraid for all of the trees being chopped down to produce the paper that we waste everyday. that one day i will not wake up because of lack of oxygen. i am afraid of pollution, that one day we will live in nothing but a cloud of smoke, that we will all suffer from carbon monoxide poisoning. i am afraid that we are all slowly killing ourselves with carelessness and lethargy. am i crazy? or does the human race do nothing but destroy? i worry about this way too much. but hey, what can i do about it? oh yes AND... only rain down streets and stormdrians how could i forget THAT?