So I'm not really sure where things are going for me and ‘the guy’ of the last entry. We had fun during west end, and then we didn’t talk for a week and now its kinda awkward. I'm not sure if we’re anything more than friends or not. I guess I just have to keep it mellow until something happens. Classes are going alright so far I guess. I'm really liking my special education class more than any other class this semester – I'm not sure if it’s the topic or the teacher because both are pretty interesting. We’re on the downward slide of the carnival (thank god!) but it seems like all the good things are falling on the wrong days. I’ve been thinking about pledging to a Fraternity – Zeta Tau Alpha. They’re just opening a new chapter at Kutztown and I have a friend (Ursula – from convention) who belongs to a chapter at her school and she’s encouraging me to join. However, this coming week is when all the joining activities are going on and it’s also Denver – the last hurrah of the carnival. I have an interview on Monday after classes and there is an open house on Tuesday night I wanted to go to, but it looks like I wont be making it for that because mom has class that night and we can’t find help to replace both of us. Then Thursday is Bid Day and I'm almost positive I need to be there if I'm pledging. I'm just hoping they can get someone to cover for me that day. I’ve been talking to people about ZTA and reading up on the stuff they do through their web page and it sounds really interesting and fun, a real sisterhood so to speak. Anyway, in other news – I fell down a flight of stairs on Wednesday and my left arm is hideously bruised and a little painful, but otherwise I'm alright. That's it for now. Leave some Love :-D ~ Possible Future ZTA?

Met a guy. Talked to guy. Lied to hang out with guy. Made out with guy instead. Found out guy is decent when he stopped me from doing something I’d regret. Still like guy. Future is open and getting brighter all the time. Adios for Now.

It is official! I am finally finished with my summer courses, today was the last day. Joy. Think I did good, we'll see when the grades get posted. In other official news - I am officially over Gwyn. How do I know you may ask? He got arrested for hooking up with someone the same age as my cousin Meghan (13-14). If that isn't the worlds largest turn off, I dont know what is. All I can say is thank GOD nothing ever happened between us -shudders-. Move in at school is either the 24 or the 25. Can't remember which at the moment. Talked to my roommates and they both sound really nice. Can't wait to meet them in person. Thats it for now. Hope everyone's summers are going well. Ciao~

This is a bit random but I have decided what kind of tattoo I want to get. I was watching Miami Ink (awesome show) and a customer was talking about the reasoning she had behind getting a pirate ship tattooed on her side and her reasoning made sense. She was getting it because to her pirates signified rebellion and constant change and as she traveled constantly for her job she felt like she was a kind of modern pirate. I liked it and it made sense, however – pirate I am not. However, I have been a “carni” for most of my life, and I probably will continue to be one for a very long time. With that in mind I think it would be cool to represent the time and love I have of the business. If I'm gonna get something put on this body in a permanent way it have to be something that's going to mean something to me even when I'm old and going senile. Even if I revert to a ten year old in my head, the carnival is still going to mean something to me. Ergo a carnival tattoo is what I shall be seeking. I'm not sure if I want a carousel horse or if I want a Ferris Wheel or something confection related. I'm not planning on getting this tattoo for at least a year or so, so I have some time to compile some ideas. I'm leaning more towards a carousel horse though, if anyone is wondering. I'm going to start a file and start collecting images of carousel horses I really like, so that when the time comes I’ll be able to give them over to the artist and have him/her design me the perfect horse. Feel free to weight in on the subject of tattooing and what I should get, and what you would, should, are, have got. Peace!

Greetings and Salutations All! It has been a long time since I updated so I’ve got a lot of stuff to cover…but that's probably not going to happen because hey it is a lot and I just don’t feel like writing it all down, we’ll summarize shall we? May – Finished my classes at LCCC, passed everything. Visited with Maggie, Chad, and Bridget several times. Started working on the carnival…well was already doing that but more so now. Visited Kutztown and met with Dr. Long – the Library Science Department Head. Registered to take a summer course at Kutztown to offset my fall work load. June – Entire month spent driving to Kutztown to take my Women in Mathematics course. 45 min. one way – ew. Chad drug me to get my hair cut at some point because we have realized that my hair was more fried that anyone really thought. The hair dresser hacked off about 5 inches and told me to start taking vitamins and using special shampoo to stop my hair from falling out anymore. Yay. Passed the math class with a B and registered to take a second course at LCCC. Gwyn has vanished off the face of the planet and I have implemented steps on getting myself over him once and for all. Go me! July – Started my second summer course on the fifth – Introduction to American Education. Its going alright so far. There are more papers assigned than should ever be in a summer course. It is evil. The class itself is pretty nice though. My cousins have jumped at the chance to work on the carnival for some reason this summer. Millie and our other cousin Stephanie have been coming out since the middle of June. I haven’t gotten to hang around Millie much because she’s been working on the second unit with mom, but Stephie and I have actually been getting closer and catching up on old times and things we missed since she had kids. She’s made it her mission, I think to turn me officially into a girly girl. She’s been coaching me on talking to guys, flirting, wearing makeup doing my hair, and so much more. She wants me to get my hair cut short to get rid of the remaining split ends I have, but I'm a little scared. I didn’t like my last short hair cut because frankly it didn’t look good, and it made me look like a guy…with large breasts. So not a good thing. I move in at Kutztown on August 26 th and my classes start on the 28 th. I am more than ready to be on my way. Unfortunately that happens to be the week of West End fair – my one true love. So I'm already trying to figure out which days I’ll be able to drive up to visit or work. West End money is always big because of the long hours. But more importantly many of the people I don’t get to see regularly are there as well. Probably wind up going on Friday and Saturday. I have classes every day including Friday, but that one is only in the morning so I could be at West End by 2 or so if I didn’t dally too much after class. Excited. Tore down last night at a pretty sucky spot. Everything was going great until I found out -Gwyn is back. Please, somebody just shoot me.

Saturday morning Gran was taken to the hospital because she was having chest pains. They thought it was her gallbladder but they kept her over night for observation. Sunday morning test results came in and confirmed that she had had a heart attack and not a gallbladder attack. She spent Sunday at the hospital in Lehighton and this morning was moved to Lehigh Valley for more tests. We’re not sure when she’ll be released but we’re hoping soon and without surgery. She’s been through enough surgery already. I’ll keep you updated on her condition. Please pray for her. ~ scared

Most of life’s problems start with men – ever notice that? Men-stration, Men-oppause, Men-tal breakdown – really keep looking and you’ll find more. Men are the root of my problems it seems. They’re confusing, moody, temperamental, jealous, and indecisive. For the love of god if I wanted all these problems I’d have looked for a girlfriend! You know who its about, and you know what its about. Start looking for my name in the paper because if this doesn’t end soon I'm gonna wind up choking someone – and it wont be me. I love ‘em, and I hate ‘em. Why can’t we all just be matriarchal polygamists? I may not have less problems, but I’d at least know what was going on.

Hello All! I'm taking over a second unit for my family in a few weeks and I'm going to need some help running things. I know most of my friends won’t be available to come on the road again, so I'm preparing to put up a sign at LCCC, and maybe in town, advertising help wanted. Here in lies my problem. I need to come up with something that is actually going to make people want to work at the carnival...without actually using the word carnival. I have special requirements - person must have transportation to or live in Lehighton, over the age of 16, 18 is better. Able bodied (can lift at least 25lbs.) Male or female, good personal hygiene (sad it needs to be mentioned, but true), on job training to be provided. Must have good people and decent math skills (adding, subtracting, can handle money basically). I can’t decide if I should put my cell phone number, or just my e-mail address. When I do this it’s pretty much going to be me hiring and arranging schedules. I’m nervous beyond all belief and could use any help or wisdom my dear friends would like to impart on me… Help! ~ IN DESPERATE NEED OF AID

It is inevitable that at some point during a school semester I will get behind in work and spend 10 consecutive hours writing a paper that was due the previous day, get less than 4 hours worth of sleep, wake up late and still manage to defy physics by making it to school on time. Today was that day. My brain is generally fried, but I will survive I believe. This is just a bleh update. Ski Lodge is over, and on Monday I will be helping to set up trailers. Wednesday is our first official day of the new carnival season…joy. So, as usual, there is good news and bad news about the coming months. - Kutztown and I are almost on the same page, and I’ll be going to visit them in the near future. - The family is talking about putting out a second cotton candy trailer on another show, which I would probably be running –very cool in my opinion (I’d get paid more because I’d be managing it) - This semester at LCCC is going to be my last, and its almost over - I’m back on track losing weight for Joey’s wedding :-) - Simone and Pam’s wedding is coming up in May and I need a “date” (i.e. someone to go with so I wont be alone … any volunteers?) - I miss my friends - The industry (carnival) isn’t doing nearly as well as it should be and I’m worried about my family’s income. I’ve been trying to come up with ways to improve what we’ve got, or even get us more business. Have some ideas, but two, I’m going to need help with and a third has already been vetoed. - I have multiple papers and scholarships due in the next few weeks and I haven’t been able to refine them the way I want to. I really need someone to just read them and say –good or bad, who has been involved in what I have so they’ll know if all the facts are proper. - I am forlorn because I haven’t been able to do any fictional writing in the past month. No ideas and no time :-(. How sad. I guess that is all for now. Here comes another fun filled summer – everybody pray for good weather and generous patrons. ~Bless us all.

MEGGA BIG thanks to Chadwick for his Spifferific job on making this new background for me. Me love it long time – long time! ~Management

Ah, the pleasures of spring break. Sleep, reading, sleep, visiting friends, and oh yes, let us not forget – sleeping! Seriously though, this spring break was perhaps one of the better ones I have had so far. I spent 3 days and two nights with the wonderful Maggie and her siblings. A night and a day with Chad. Lots of catching up done, zero school work accomplished, but I did get some back reading done. Maggie and I had a “whim” day and got our hair permed. Maggie’s curls did not hold, and mine held way too much. Truthfully I think we had the wrong stylists; we should have had each other’s! Thankfully my curls are starting to settle…the scorching my roots got however, is going to take a few weeks to grow out… hot oil treatments are my new friend. Those are just some of the few things that happened for me. I got to go book shopping – always pleasurable. I'm scheduled to take my Praxis 1 exams on March 20th. I'm nervous but everyone says I shouldn’t be, because they’re apparently easier than the SATs. Can’t think of anything else. The ski lodge season is almost over. One more week unless we get snow…if we do, I'm going on a killing spree and not coming into work. I just can’t take it anymore!!! Hope everyone had a fun and restful spring break! ~ Mellow Yellow

I know I’ve been neglecting my darling sit diary, but what can I say, I’ve either been really busy, or really boring. Either way there wasn’t much chance of me posting. So here is all the biggest news – what little there is.  Sent deposit to Kutztown  Am getting dicked around by K-town over my major – kinda pissed  Made a few new friends closer to home – Cerina, Nicole,…Todd – making plans to go out. Most excited over that.  Classes are going ok for the most part  Work is slowly killing me, in fact as I write this I'm trying not to fall asleep because I just got off a 11 ½ hour shift at work and I'm fairly exhausted.  On a plus note, the season is almost over.  On a negative note, almost as soon as this is over the carnival season will be beginning so I wont really have any off time >.<  On an independent note my cousin Millie has pretty much pulled me aside and reminded me that not only am I an adult and can do what I want without really asking, I can also ‘conveniently forget’ the true location of where I'm going so I can in reality go visit friends in other towns if I choose to without really getting my parents ok if I don’t feel like being told “no!”  I always knew there was a reason Millie was my favorite cousin. The fact that she’s volunteered to be an ‘excuse’ for me should I want to go somewhere only makes me love her more. Spring break is coming up – March 3-12. Making plans with various people. If you’re home and wanna hang gimme a call or leave me a message. Hope everyone is doing well. ~ Exhausted and Ready for a LONG nap

So its been a few weeks since I posted-opps. Anyway lots has been happening. I went to the Hershey convention and had an amazingly good time. I am so planning on going back there next year. Some stuff happened…drinking, cards, flirting,…more than flirting – you get the idea. I’ve been kind of miserable at work, I just don’t like it anymore. It has lost its spark that once made it happy for me. The workers are still cute and fun to flirt with, but my co-workers seriously need attitude adjustments, so does my pay. I'm getting probably a quarter over minimum wage…though if I were in jersey it would be about a dollar and fifty cents under minimum wage. I could be getting 9.50 an hour at a grocery store, but no, I made a commitment and now I have to stick with it. School itself hasn’t been to bad. My one class is a complete joke, I can’t understand more than a few words out of the teacher’s mouth, and everything she’s teaching is directly out of the book. Hence, I no longer listen during class, rather I take my own notes out of the textbook, or work on story stuff. My lit courses are going ok. I don’t really like my American Lit though. The teacher is kinda….weird in a not so good way. He kinda makes me a little uncomfortable, like, I don’t know what he’s going to do or say. I don’t like unpredictability in my teachers. The other two classes are great. I enjoy them both. I finally went to the omsbudman today to contest my philosophy grade. The woman was very sympathetic and actually seemed pissed on my behalf. I was happy when I left. I also made an appointment to talk to a councilor about transferring in the fall. I got a letter from Kutztown on Saturday saying I couldn’t get into the Library Science program because I was missing certain criteria – 3.0 G.P.A (fixed once my philosophy grade gets fixed), 2 Math classes (I can take one over the summer and another the first semester there, fact was I was TOLD not to take any math at LCCC because it wouldn’t transfer properly to Kutztown), and Praxis – to which I have to say ‘WTF?” no one ever mentioned needing praxis testing for a library major! So tomorrow I will be meeting “Donna” to go over everything. Hopefully I’ll still be going to Kutztown in the fall, but, if they decide to be ass’ about getting me in then I can always go to Wilkes – hell! A Wilkes rep. called me tonight to ask how my transferring was going and if I had any questions to just call. It was kind of nice having the school contact me and show interest. Anywho, back on the weight loss bandwagon. My cousin bought me copies of the biggest loser workout dvd and the accompanying book. So, I guess that’s my new plan… I’ve been feeling like I’ve been really selfish lately, I wanted to do something to help someone, so I signed up for March of Dimes, and I'm looking into doing some other event type things. Hope everyone is doing well. Drop me a note or update your own damn diary! ~ Groovin’ to the Sound of Clicking Keys

There are many things a happening. I don't know where to begin. Got a job at the ski lodge. It came with stalker benefits...ok well the stalker was just an unwanted bonus really. Its a long story most of you have heard already. Long story short - guy likes me. I don't like him. He keeps asking me out. I keep saying no. He wont leave me alone. He groped me while calling it a hug - two hands, one breast. How pissed off was I? School started - classes monday to thursday. 9 - 12:30 every day except wednesday which runs till 2:15. One of my pregnant cousins is getting married today. It is perhaps the biggest mistake of her life...aside from being a slut and getting knocked up. The guy is abusive and a lazy fking bum. Going to the PSSA Convention tomorrow evening with Jen (who's family is also in the business). Only staying out for one night, coming home friday evening. I'm gonna be staying with Jen and her Brother for the night, and then coming home with a friend of my parents. Cell phone will be on, please call me, I may need rescuing :-). Can't think of much else going on - Dawn bought her wedding dress, and I'm still fat. I hate my thighs, amoung other things. Hope everyone is well. Drop me a line, I'm missed everyone. Rock the New Year!

Why I called off Work the Day I was Meant to Start. Hello Everyone. I really hope your holidays were healthier than mine. On Friday I started getting a little under the weather. Really the five consecutive nosebleeds should have been a warning sign to me. Around 1 in the morning Friday into Saturday I started having a gallbladder attack. It lasted throughout the night and into the next morning/afternoon. However it cleared mostly up but Sunday. I enjoyed a bland Christmas meal only nibbling on a few tiny sweets. I guess that was a few too many because around 2:30 (Sunday into Monday) I started throwing up. Not fun at all. I wound up calling off on my first day back to work. While I am feeling much better, I'm still resigned to dry rice and Jell-O for the next few days. I’ll be at work tomorrow. 9-5 Tuesday to Sunday. Home around 6-ish. So if anyone wants to hang out gimme a call. Aside from that – Christmas was pretty good. Played with the baby, got some nice gifts (and gift cards * big smile*), took some good picture. The only part I didn’t like and nearly set me into a bad mood was one of my aunts started talking religion and started saying my one cousin (Jason) was a Satan worshiper. (He’s Wiccan). His mother and sister defended him and Millie asked me a question relating to the God and Goddess of Pagan religions. I answered because I knew what she was talking about and my aunt gave me such a look of loathing I wanted to cry. Her blind hate was just. . .horrifying. She didn’t even ask me if I practiced or not, she just assumed the worst. It was like philosophy class only worse. It was towards the end of the night so she left not too much later and the few remaining got to relax a little. Jesus was a man of Peace, Love and Acceptance. How can anyone who follows his teachings so blindly lash out at others? HATE another person? He teaches forgiveness and understanding. Some people just seriously twist his words to suit their own needs and it makes me sick. People just need to learn to be better people themselves rather than judging everyone else. Didn’t he preach – “Judge not, lest ye be judged”? or “Let you who has no sin throw the first stone”? Where is the Love?

Happy Holidays everyone! Hope yours is a merry one! ~ Peace on Earth and Good-Will towards all.

A very sad thing happened this morning, Bridget’s grandfather died. I heard it from Chad, and then from a message from Bridget herself. Words cannot possibly express how sorry I am for Bridget and her family. This is a horrible thing to have happen at any time but this close to Christmas is extra hard I feel because they will be forced to celebrate or put off celebrations this year in favor of mourning. It is a shocking reminder that we are all mortal and that our time here on earth is finite. I have been spending more time with my grandmother lately because of the running down of her own clock. I cannot begin to imagine how Bridget is feeling right now, but I hope she knows how much I love her and that if she needs anything just to call and I will help in any way I can. I saw this quote and it reminded me of something – “There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the only bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.” Thornton Wilder What it reminded me of, is that as long as we remember those that have gone before us, and we keep love in our hearts for them, then they are never truly gone for in love they are with us always. Love someone today for you do not know if it will be their last or yours. All my love and prayers go out to you, and your family, Bridget.

Alright so my exam have been graded and the results are in: straight B’s across the board. I'm currently protesting the B in philosophy. I had straight A’s in the course up until the final, and based on the syllabus if I had straight A’s and failed the final I should have had a B. Uh…I highly doubt I failed the final especially because the teacher offered us an option of using our text books if we got stuck for a slight point deduction (which I did). Either way I shouldn’t have gotten a B in the course. I called and am now awaiting a return reply. Shit will happen if he doesn’t fix my fking grade. Hope everyone else did well in their classes. Let me know so we can celebrate (or plot!) Finally done. ~ Happy Girl Plotting Revenge

I am suffering from the winter blues. I don’t know exactly how or when it struck me, but I know its pretty bad. I stay awake too late, I sleep even later. I don’t get anything done. I'm moody and it’s NOT that sort of moodiness. I'm getting bitched at by my parents about getting a job but the only place really available to me, I don’t want to work there. I understand some people may say ‘beggars can’t be picky,’ well I am not a beggar, I'm just running low on funds. To be honest half the money I earn at the ski lodge goes to buying new clothes to replace the ones ruined there! How is the economically sound? *sigh* I'm just a bit upset. I want to just chill and have fun this break and my father is being a jerk and being snarky by making me feel bad for not looking for a job. His best line so far to day – “So have you found a job yet? No? So, you’re just gonna sit on your fat ass this winter and do nothing like your cousins then? Great, another waste of life in the family.” Mom scolded him for that one, but it still kinda hurts. So, that's me for the moment. Depressed and wanting to just relax and write, and being made more depressed because of my father. I can’t wait till summer. Then at least I can throw him out of the trailer or take a walk and talk to some hot guys for a while; and come August, I am OUT of here! I'm getting excited already. ~ Playin’ the Winter Blues

As December gets whiter, workloads get lighter? Nah! Not until exams are over at least. For the few, for the lucky, exams are over. Whether it was a stroke of planning or an early dismissal some college students are finished with school, home, or waiting for rides. I myself am one of the lucky. I completed my final, final exam on Wednesday night. The exams are over, but the waiting is just beginning. The wait, the nervous pressure accompanied by hours of praying to various deities that your luck will hold out, and your grades will be merciful (if not passing). For me the wait began on Wednesday night. It was the last of the exam and some teachers were already posting results. By Thursday morning two of my class grades had been posted. Wonderfully passing, B’s in both. A surprise for one, a resignation to the other. The waiting is worse now. I have had a taste of finality and I want the full course meal. I check almost hourly for any change in my grades. It is something akin to an obsession! Waiting and Worrying the college student’s fears are not laid to rest until all the grades are in. To the teachers we pray: Hurry and post today! ~ Blessed Be