Whew. So it's been interesting to say the least. So what's happened? I lost my internet for a while and I died a little. I kept getting sick but no one believed me. In everyone else's defence I did have my period during some of it so there are similar symptioms. So I ended up running around, going to knenobles and stuff with fevers. I had a job interview and must hyave done terribly on it becuase I didn't get the job. My brother went to Gettysburge. I cried a lot. I carried a new mixer home and then as we were making cookies my mom notices I'm dying so she finds out that I really do have a fevor and I'm forced to go sleep on a lazy-boy with a dalmation on me. Yes our rather large new dalmation is a lapdog. I got better after anther day of the dog laying on me. Helped cook and plan for my brothers graduation party. I felt stupid, trapped and had to go get a job at Penmart. This made me feel even more stupid and traped becuase I couldn't get my own job and my cusin helped me get this one. I feel like my family is just gonna be keeping tabs on me now. I had one of the lowest weeks since school ended for this semster. It really was terrible. I cried and thought way too much. The party went well. Everyone had fun. I danced and sang with Chad and Anthony which just makes my life better in every way. Chad and I renacted sceens from musicals. My brother and I had a small Nija vs Pirates war. I don't think it's over yet.Some of his friends scare me. I don't know what to make of people anymore. I really don't. Like I just really wanna smack the crap outta some people. Everyone needs to just get over themselves. I got a new purse for 11 bucks. It's large and camofloged with many pockets. It makes me very excited. I now need to find all my buttons. I think I need some new ones and some funky patches too. How I love my hippie life I got to talk to Jess which was very exciting becuase I haven't seen her in forver. She has a job and is cooking fun things and writing a fabulas new story. She seems very happy and I am so glad for her. I really hope I do well at this job. I really hope I like it. I suddenly feel ver Clerksish. I will now be working at Penmart. It's a little gas station/deli/food store/convince store. So yes, I feel like I'm in the Lansford version of Clerks. I really want this job to work out. If I do well then I'll have it on breaks and for as long as I need it which is wonderful. Having some sense of stability wioth money makes me feel better. That and I can't just stay in this house. I mean I can't. Just like I can't stay in my dorm or anything like that. I need to leave. See things. See people and will I ever smeet some interesting people at this job. So everyone hope that I do this well and get along with people. I walk a lot now. It makes me feel good. I also <3 Lost and Swenney Todd. I think that's it. Fin

It's the end of the year. Tonight is my last offical night in Regina Hall for this school year. I hate it. I always hate coming back too becuase it means I won't see my home friends so I really think I just need to have everyone live in one place where I can just run around and see them. That would be great. I hate saying goodbye. I had a great last few nights here though. Two of them were spent with Dezi and them watching movies. Friday night we had a LOTR night and it was wonderful...GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!!!!Sat we watched Underworld, Rent and Troy. Yah by the time we got to Troy I was so loopy!!!!Yah...Dez and I should be allowed to be up that late at night...without much supervision. LOL. "Sean Bean...sexy man sexy man...hey do you think he was beating up on Orlando during this movie?" yah it just went downhill from there. I don't want to leave my friends, even though some of them have already left. It'll be werid to not be coming back for school for a while. Like a breath of midnight air Like a lighthouse, like a prayer Like the flicker and the flare The sky reveals Like a walk along the shore That you walked a thousand times before Like the oceans roar Love heals There are those who shield their hearts Those who quit before they start Who’ve frozen up the part of them that feels (Don’t freeze your heart) In the dark, they’ve lost their sight Like a ship with out a star in the night, But hold on tight Love heals When you feel like you can’t go on Love heals Hold onto love, it’ll keep you strong Love heals When you feel like you can’t go on Love heals Hold onto love and it will bring you home Heals the pain too much to bear When you reach up your hand And only the wind is there When life’s unfair When things like us learn to be Heals when you feel so small Like when it sounds like nothing at all Look out at the sea That’s where all are free That’s where you’ll find me You’ll find me You fear the storm at hand As you lie awake, lie awake in bed And there’s no one No one there to stroke your hair And your, your mind, your mind reels If your face is salty wet And you’re drowning in regret Just don’t forget Ohhh Love will lead you home Oh keep the song Keep it in your heart, baby Don’t forget I say love Love heals When you feel like you can’t go on Love heals Love’s gonna carry you on Love heals When you feel, you feel like you can’t go on Love heals Hold onto love and it will lead you home Love– Heals Ok...last entry in school. Bye kids, God I hope and pray this summer doesn't suck.

I feel crappy. This last week has been rough. Things have just been crazy. Two papers where written, one presentation messed up. I was called a lesbian by some mentally ill woman at Release the Light which was also Day of Silance which was also the night before the three papers where due that I was trying to finish. Had to memorize Lain America, all US states and capitals and Cananda in a week. Yah that didn't really happen as well as I had hoped. Sr Cathy was a major bitch on the day I couldn't talk and stress levels where just really high. One chior from 6-8:30ish anther from 6-9ish. One panic attack during a class, afterwhich my mom called and wouldn't stop talkintg quickly, then longer chior. Room is full of tension. I hate the end of the year for that. The end of the year report is due soon. I have three more papers due and I volenteered myself to do the powerpoint for my group pres in Dev Pysch. I didn't sleep well last night at all which sucks becuase I tried to go to bed since I was having trouble concintrating on papers but I just couldn't. There have been good things though too. I love my new pants. I love it when people realize how short I am compaired to them for the first time, espically if they've known me for like a year. The reaction is always great. John (percussion) now pats me on the head almost every time he sees me. We have decided that I am a Hobbit. A Baggins with quite a bit of Took in me thank you very much. Danni is a Brandybuck but she doesn't understand why and it makes me sad that Dezzy and I are so into it but really giggle at the same time. Dazzy and K are High Elves. Megan's a Shield Maiden from Rohan. Becca is a human women from Bree. Ed is like Tom B. in the woods lol. Allen is a self-proclaimed drawf. It makes me smile. There has been lots of random and fun little things. I should be working on a paper and defently getting dressed but I just really.... REALLY physicly don't feel well at the moment. Today I have to: 8:30am: Be at open House for Campus Mins 11:30-3ish:Kidstuff carnavil for underprivaliged kids 3:30-4ish:Get on the road meet up with parents and go to John's play. After that we come back and Colleen wants to watch A Beautiful Mind. I'll be doing papers while it's on...probibly with my headphones on. Which is fine. I'm worried about times today for if we wanna eat and everything with my family. Megan had said 4 but then we won't be there till5:20 if we don't get lost and traffic is great, then ordering of food and it still takes 15-20 min to get to Marian and we want to be there a bit early to get seats. I dunno. I feel so stressed and pressed for time right now. I just wanna sleep for a bit, really get a good sleep. Maybe Kidstuff will be canciled becuase of rain which would make me feel less stressed but I'd feel bad for the kids. Arg...never doing this again. Next time I will pay attaention to dates better. Ok going to get ready now. All who wander are not lost

Andy's grandfather died. I feel bad for her becuase he was her favorite. We're still talking about death and bad things in most of my classes. Dev pysch has been all about old people and all I can think of is Grammy or Pops. I hate it now. That class becuase it's been like two weeks of it and I just sit there, take notes and try not to cry. I'm so tired all the time this week. Good news: I found funny fanfiction I only have 83 more pages to read in my depressing India book Izzy and I had a great talk tonight I told drummer John about how I feel when he puts down my religion and he understood I got to hang out with Mat and Roman a bit today Patrick, from Ghana, came and spoke in the accursed geo class. He's so happy and it was uplifting. I wish I was as strong as he is. Bedtime now. I miss people

So I'm not sure what to write. I guess there is a first time for everything in this world. My moods have been really irregular lately but thats all understandable. The thing I worry about most is that I'm so irritable right now. And sad. I've been feeling really down lately. Sometimes I feel really lonely which I know is more my fault. If I were more ready to just go out with people, even if I didn't like some of the people who were going to be there or even if I was tired then I wouldn't feel so lonely. So it's my own fault and no one elses. I miss people. Yet I don't. I look at some events from the past with rose tinted glasses becuase I get so sick at focusing on negitive things. Looking at the past like that is stupid though and I shouldn't do it. I'm sick of hearing and reading about other people's sorrow. I have my own. I'm sick of studying depressing subject matter that pertains to how fucked up man really is. I can just watch the news and know that. I get sick of trying so hard at everything only to come up short. I know I'm short, all I have to do is stand next to someone else. I just sick of trying. I'm sick of calused remarks. I know I'm stupid compaired to you so don't treat me worse or feel the need to correct me all the time. I hate feeling like I'm retarded becuase I open my mouth and someone pats my head or says something in a sneering voice. I'm sure I do the same thing but I'm sick of it. Don't give me you're superior tone. You're not hot shit and you're just as stupid with other things. I'm sick of feeling sad. I'm sick of people not giving a damn about anyone but themselves. I'm sick of knowing that I'm always fucking wrong. I'm sick of being scared all the time about everything. I'm sick of not wanting to take chances with people. I'm sick of being me. I'm sick of trying to "find myself". I'm sick of my body. I'm sick of the fact that I can't juust eat what I want and not have to excersize, but instead can eat exactly what I'm suposed to walk 3 miles every day and still platue at a weight that is far to large for me. I'm sick of being talked down to. I'm just sick of a lot of stuff. I'm sick of people yet no one in perticular. Little things bother me but they're stupid to begin with. I really hate being stupid. I hate change yet I love it. I hate that espically. I just want to go to sleep. Not die, just sleep. Then I wouldn't have to try tom please people. Then I wouldn't let everyone down. Then I would stop letting me down. I need to figure out my life. Every time I try I'm just reminded of how inadiquite I am. Then there are times when I do somethign right and it's so short lived or over shadowed by somethign new and stupid that I've done. Or something ignorent I've said. I'm just sick of it all and trying to be in the middle of everything. I don't even know what to do. I don't know what to say befcuase almost everything I do or say someone corrects me about. It's been that way my whole life. I've always been the stupid one and I'm so tired of trying to prove it all false. I almost wanna give up but there's too much money invisted in this shit now. So I just keep trying and failing over and over again. Someone's always gonna be better at everything then me, and they'll always let me know about it.

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING ST. PATTY'S DAY EVERYONE!!! Today's gone pretty well which is great becuase I was worried about it. This was my grandfathers day. He came from a 100% Irish American family who worked hard in the coal mines to get the bear neccessities. St. Patty's Day became a day to get a little treat and to learn more about his Irish haritage. He kept that going for my dad and then for me. It's never been a drinking holiday for my family, it's actually always more about the kids. It's a day to spoil the kids in the family a bit and play tricks on them. I always had my shoes moved or other such little pranks pulled on me by my "leprechaun", even though now I know it was really my mom and dad. We woudl get little notes and some candy and like a small toy. My grandfather would tell me facts about Ireland. We would visit him and the whole family would try to get together for a little bit. It made me happy and gave me a strog sense of my family and how hard everyone's worked. I've always been proud of my heritage and it's been mostly becuase of my grandfather. So yah I do "get my pride on" and wear green and get excited. I don't drink, though I could tonight, becuase thats not what it's about for me. It's family, and knowing where you're from and being proud. I miss my grandfather a lot today. It's been a good day though, thank God. So May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields and, Until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand. May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go, and guide you in whatever you do-- and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always. two Irish blessings for everyone, even if you hate the holiday may you still be blessed.

blargh back at school. I wanna live in Oz yaaah. ok I love gummy worms lol. gotta get ready for class and everything. *rolls eyes* bye

Ok, I'm in work so this may seemed scattered becuase I'll have to keep hiding it. Well that I am sans-glasses at the moment. That, however is a whole other story. The tea house was fantastic yetserday. I mean it was just great. I think I should start more from the beginging though. We ran oer to Naz, almost late becuase I think K was Eastern in a past life and doesn't get the concept of rushing. So we get to Naz, get some food and get on the bus. I only ate like a half a bannda while inside the Naz becuase it was older and we're suposed to fast anyway. I feel asleep for most of the ride which is cool becuase I conserved battery in my cd player. I wake up to hear this: "EVERYONE!!! WAKE UP, WE'RE IN OZ!!!" It's my Lit teacher. She's a bit shorter then me, old and crazy as...oh God I can't even compair. In short, she is me in 50 years. She has even said that I will make a fine her one day. I think it's one of the biggest complaments I've gotten all semester. Anyway someone decided it would be a good idea to let this women have the microphone up front. Ergo I was woekn up very confused thinking that it was next week, but it couldn't be Wicked yet and why was Barbah there? I quickly relaized I was on a bus with K snuggled next to my arm and My Lit teacher is beaming in the front of the bus trying to be seen. I then quickly wake up becuase no matter how many times I see it I LOVE watching the city when you come in. It is indeed Oz, or the Emerald City or whatever we wanna call it. I love it and get this crazy grin on my face every time. We get in the Lincon Tunnle and she's telling us these crazy stories, espically how she's from Rocester and theny should rename it and let NYC secced and do it's own thing. Anyway we get dropped off at the tea house and it's just like this little door in the building that looks like every other door except for this teeny sign and she lets us go run amock. Danni, K and I decided to go off together. Yah I know...probibly not the smartest idea, however the city is still standing. We went into an expesive shop and just pretended we had the money for stuff but wanted to go to lunch instead. K takes us to a cafe for lunch and she and I split some cheese quasedias. (Danni wanted a preztle, lol) Then we got Danni her lunch and they took me to Broadway. I've bene there before but most poeple don't let me get too close to the Theaters. My friend's did. I skipped around the Gershin and showed them all the posters of the castmemebers I'm gonna see. I also had a breif converstantion with a security gaurd who wa slaughing at me and assured me that the show will be great when I come. I think I huged a sign, but I'm not sure. Anyway then we looked at other theaters and ended up in that store with all the songbooks in it. I bouth Aida and Wicked. Yahhh....They where very expensive. I can't believe I did it but I was like "my life has been shit lately and I want these really bad." and I bought them. I won't tell you how much they where for Anthony's sake, though I'm sure he can guess. I'm usually not a complusive spender and I dunno what got into me. However I am happy to have them even though I'm ashamed to have spent so much money on somehting I don't NEED. I'm going to have to find someone in the music department who can play for me and not be mean then I can practice with them. So then we're making our way down to the tea house after going to some more shops. I see a poster for "Lestat" and was like "AAAHHHHHHLESTATMOLEST!!!" And Danni gets her camra while she's laughing at me so I pose with the poster. Suddenly this little old man who can't speak english and was passing out posters waves us over and motions he wants a pic with me. Yah...he tried to kiss me. I don't know why I attack crazy old people. I just do, and then everyone wonders why I'm afread of old people. Then we realize we're gonna be late. Well I go into my powerwalk Library Aid mode and am plowing up and across these streets and Danni's looking at me like "wtf?". We get there bearly in time and I'm like "grrrr". The cermiony itself is great. I mean everything inside the tea house was made and brought over from Japan. Suddenly I was no longer in New York. I couldn't even hear the noises of the city anymore, just the boiling water and the natural sounds of the cerimony. It was fantastic. The tea itself looks like grass. It also tastes like grass. I didn't make a face though and I slurped at the end like you're suposed it. It was really great. I want to study tea cerimony someday...hopefully I will. Then we went to dinner and I finally got to really eat something. Grilled cheese and some fries. Not worth the price but I didn't care, I was too hungry. Unfortunetly I only had a buck left on me in real cash then. Then Kirsten and I start arguing about the time to go back. Yah...she instited one thing and we were late. I felt so terrible, I was almost crying becuase this poor little women was looking for us. I got intouch with her and we left. She told me it was ok and everything but I still felt like crap. It didn't help that people kept glaring at me. Then I came back and tried to do some homework. My glasses fell and bend all out of shape. I had no glasses then, so i called Chad and read a bit of my homework and then gave up to go to bed. So all in all yesterday was great. Today school is canciled after 12 so no geo test but I have to do my online quiz for there I think so I have to get working on that. Horray...blagh. Ok done for now.

NYC trip today. Whoot. Going to a tea house, well the ONLY authentic tea house outside of Japan. Then I shall come back here and cry while I do five zillain other things for Geo class. I hate that class, but I will try to just enjoy today! Oh I've always wanted to see the Emerald City!

I hate geography. The party was fun. I would just like to let a certain person know that I am NOT a lush. lol. However a good time was had. I am stupid. Yes a very stupid little girl who needs to stop deluding herself. Yep...off to feild and then anther anxiety attack today about geo. Horray. I'm in every kind of trouble Can't you tell, just look at me Half ecstatic,half dejected All in all I'm all at sea Easy terms I thought I wanted Fill me now with chilling dread You could never know the chaos Of a life turned on it's head Of a life turned on it's head

Crappy week. Going out to a party for a few hours. Hopefully it'll be a good time, if not my makeup is fantastic and I did it by myself, well K helped me with my base for my lips becuase they're shaped like a Geshias. Makes it difficult damnit lol. Ok...gonna go out and have fun. Later bitches

Bridget will have to write: I will not talk about fight club 'What will you have to write on the chalk board?' at QuizGalaxy.com Bridget -- [noun]:A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com Bridget is mostly likely to say the out-of-date phrase:Well ain’t that the bee’s knees To:Abraham Lincoln Why?Because they got drunk and tried to pretend that they were you Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com After you die...Parallel Universe After death, you will continue to exist as if nothing has ever happened. You will continue to be yourself, but because you are in a parallel universe, some things will be different. You may not have married the same person, you might live in a different spot, but you will be the same person underneath it all and you will continue your life unaware that you ever died. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Your walk is:Pimp/Thug Styles Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com You will go to jail for:You were making obscene gestures in a courtroom Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Your arch-nemesis is:Charlie Chaplin Why?Because they hate cheese The winner will be...You are going to kill them Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com You fit in with:Taoism Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Taoist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life. 60% spiritual.20% reason-oriented. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com wrote Julie a long letter yesterday. Hehehe...crying isn't fun. I almost slept all through the night though so wheee!

I'm turning into a different person. I dunno if she's meaner or if she's just more vocal. I know I say things more readily now. I'm more like 'Yah, fuck you." I dunno if thats good or not. I dunno if other people can handle it. I don't even know if I'm really "mean" or just less groveling "omg, i haver to please everyone or they'll leave me". and I more then kinda like it...alot.

Well whats been happening in life here so far? There are people on the 2nd floor who are really beating up someone or think that impersanting abuse is cool at all hours of the night/day. I would just like to say that it most certainly is NOT fucking cool! I've been on edge and not sleeping becuase of these fuckers, and if I ever find them, regardless of wether or not they are beating up someone I will beat the shit out of them. Yes all 5'3 of me. This is not something you do or pretend to do. Too many people have had to really live with it. I hate stupid fucking people. They don't deserve to be here. So yah I haven't slept well except for some nights when I just like pass out for almost a month now. I'm emotional. I'm beyond depressed. I'm beyond on edge most of the time. I hate everything and everyone pretty much. I love working out becuase then I feel energized for a bit and it gets rid of my agression. I also love listening to The Newsies on loop. I'd forgotten how much I missed it till I bought the soundtrack yesterday. I love this musical. I love the movie. I love seeing Batman sing and dance. I love seeing a soon-to-be Mighty Duck sing and dance. I've been in lust with Davey since I wsas a pree-teen. Yah, that hasn't changed. In short, Newsies makes Bridget slightly sad and manic. She sits, listens and smiles. She also likes to Harass Chad by sending him pictures of Christian Bale pelevic thrusting. Yes....that makes her very happy. Sorry Pads, but someone has to be tortured and you're just kinda handy. I think I've listened to it too much in the last 24 hours if there is such a thing. *contented sigh* I'm actually not in a terrible mood right now. I think I'm too tired to be. I just wanna go to sleep. I look like someone gave me really bad zombi makeup, or like I have black eyes. Yah...that's how bad my circles arfe. I also have small welts under my eyes from crying so much. Not trying to be emo....this is a fact. I was frightened when I looked at myself a few minuets ago. Anyway so things haven't been great here. Though they could be worse I supose. I don't think it's going to get too much better anytime soon though. Newsies helps though. Oh God musical theripy helps so much. Actually no, I'm hoping it'll get better. Right now I think it might. Yah...I think it will. Done I can't spend my whole life hindin' You're the only light that's guiding me today. Will you keep a candle burning? Will you help me find my way? You're my chance to break free And who knows when my next one will be Santa Fe ... Wait for me

When I dream On my own I'm alone but I ain't lonely For a dreamer night's the only time of day When the city's finally sleepin' All my thoughts begin to stray And I'm on the train that's bound for Santa Fe And I'm free Like the wind Like I'm gonna live FOREVER It's a feeling time can never take away All I need's a few more dollars And I'm outta here to stay Dreams come true Yes, they do In Santa Fe Where does it say you gotta live and die here? Where does it say a guy can't catch a break? Why should you only take what you're given? Why should you spend your whole life livin' Trapped where there ain't no future Even at seventeen Breakin' your back for someone else's sake If the life don't seem to suit ya How 'bout a change of scene? Far from the lousy headlines And the deadlines in between Santa Fe Are you there? Do you swear you won't forget me? If I found you would you let me come and stay? I ain't gettin' any younger And before my dyin' day I want space Not just air Let 'em laugh in my face I don't care Save a place I'll be there -Jack Kelly, The Newsies.

yah so sitdiary won't post the rest. I've tried too many other times. I ended with an emo joke.

I dunno. I'm just so torn about everything. I feel like I need some more time before I get back. The semster isn't THAT long. I <3 my roomies. I <3 my friends but...I feel so lost. I feel inadiquite. I dunno how to shake it. I've been stressing this for a while now. Maybe once I get to school it'll just suddenly feel right again. That's what usually happens. I just don't know. I kinda feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I have all these pieces. All of these facets of me but I dunno if I have a clear picture anymore. I need to finish doing laundry. I need to pack. I need to get ready. I need to just do it. I have real reasons why stuff isn't finished yet but now I just have to do it. I have to do back to school and get my damn degree. First I will just get through this semester. But before all of that I need to sleep becuase I'm just so tired right now. I hate crying. I hate worrying. Yet I still do it. I've been told I should. I';ve been told it's ok. But it doesn't feel ok. I just feel empty in the end. I'm sorry. This should be a perky "OMG!!! SCHOOL!!!!" entry but it's not. It's a sad excuse for an entry lol. It's almost emo....all I need is soemthing abo9ut my poor, tattered heart being weighjed down by chaines that force it to bleed like the tears that stream from my eyes. Oh hey...look...now it's emo. JK. (Sorry kids...had to end with sarcasim. It makes me feel better)

I don't wanna go back to classes. I don't wanna go back to the Ed Department from hell. I don't want to go back to facing my math grade and trying to contest it. I don't want to go back to tests and being rejected for my Sophmore Screening. I am, we can't change it. Thanks to math I'm being rejected. Well I guess it's my fault for not dropping it. I should have, but I was to proud too. I thought maybe I could make it with Sr. No Legs. Ha. Yah right. Good try Bridget, but you've come short as usual. I don't want to stay here though. I could never just drop school. I need it. I need soemthing. I would never make it here without it. Even a good job wouldn't be enough to distract me and I'd need my friends and so many of them would be far away. I'm going to miss my friends from here. I'm going to miss Chad calling and just saying that he's coming to pick me up. Arg. I don't want to face that something very large in my life has gone away and I'll never, ever get it back. Things are very different now. I never knew my mom's dad. He was a drunk so w/e. My dad's mom died when I was in third grade. I loved her, a lot. Maybe I loved her more becuase she died when I was to little to really know about the shit that adults do. Maybe it's becuase she sang to me and had the most evil grin ever. My mom's mom lived with us. She was crazy. My Pops was the last one. Now I don't have anyone. I can't just go to his house to say hi and grab a soda. No more holidays at his house. It's a huge part of my life thats gone now and nobody can replace it. I think I've handled it all well. Maybe too well. Maybe I needed to just sit and cry like everyone else did. I mean I did cry but not the way the others did. I dunno. It's just a lot at once. I can see how much people have changed. How much I'VE changed and it's werid becuase nothing can go back to the way it was and I mostly don't want it too.

Wow....I got first place for my Hufflepuff NEWT and third for my History of Magic OWL. that means I just scored 800 points for Hufflpuff in my LUMOS community. Now if I could just not be a waste of life in every other aspect. *sighs* Anyway, go Hufflepuff! Badgers for the cup!!!!

Ok kids. Sorry this has taken so long. Let me start off by stying that I hope that everyone is having a great break. Now, onto the bad news. My grandfather passed away. Right before Christmas. It was tough, I'm not gonna lie. I'm beyond lying about stuff like this. It was really tough. I handled it well though. I cried but kept together enough to help my family through it. Mainly by making inaproperate jokes. *winks* I'm also lucky to have had people to call on. If I didn't call yuou please don't feel bad, I just didn't want to jack up my phone bill too high. This is why I haven't had a computer becuase we've all been busy here, espically me and I haven't hoked it up yet. Also bad news I got my report card. I got an F from Sr. No Legs. I swear to Jesus if I ever see her she better be able to somehow run. How the hell do I get an "F" when I've had a "D" on every godforsaken test? I'm going to go ask how. I'm sick of the bullshit, and even if I can't get a D I'll still make a freaking ruckus. Then two C+s and all Bs and an A. Yah I suck. I really truely do and I dunno how I'm going to get through all of this. I think I should just drop out of school becuase I'm worthless there. So yah. Anyway besides all of that this was one of the best Christmas' ever. I really do mean that. I don't really know about anything right now. I know I feel like a failure at life. Maybe it's just becuase I'm suposed to get my period soon but I'm really down right now. I wish people would come online and I don't have Chad's new screenname. I'm on the new family computer. It has the new AIM on it....the new AIM confuses me. *shudders* Anyway I had a good chirstmas. But I feel worthless. Hopefully it's just hormones. New Year's prayer. Dear God thanks for all the good times, All the laughs, All the late night drives, All the late night talks. Thanks for my family. Thanks for my friends. Thanks for getting me through this year somehow. Not to sound like a tennager crying for help but I'm not sure how it happened, Getting through it all that is. Please let this year be better. Let ME be better. A better friend, A better daughter, A better studenmt (cause we all know I'm terrible at that) Please let me keep handling my depression well enough that I'm not put on meds. Never let me be a burden. Let me manage it all. Please just help me, becuase I need it so much, Lord. I'm not strong, so yah. Thanks.