today nate and i just hung out at the house cleaned up a bit, watched big fish and radio, and lyed in each others arms under the stars... him and my stepdad "wrestled" nate won of course tony was drunk tho! Then my cousin and him did and nate won once again... yup... my dad is really getting to me hes all telling me he loves me and such but he doensnt know me no one knows me anymore... i dont even know myself most of the time because i change constantly... hes all secretive he didnt even tell me that he broke up with his gf of 3 almost 4 years for some methed up whore... nate said something about how "buff" my dad was at my halloween party last year and now you can see every bone in his body.. its sad...mom made me happy today tho.. well i was mad at her earlier but then she took me and bought me ice cream.. we talked some... i do love her know matter sometimes i think i dont... she bought me ciggarettes also.. thats pretty cool i guess. i mean shes supporting my addiction but she doesnt so i guess she doesnt want to be hyprocrytical or something... i dont even know if i have any friends anymore.. but i guess thats just my trust issue... i love my friends they keep me sane! chelsea- shes so awesome shes my love! sam- shes just awesome in everyway possible! ashley- shes just ashley =P nate- he knows me better than anyone i think... he knows the right words to say to make me smile no matter how bad i feel! jenny- shes my best friend ever ever ever i dont think i could ask for more with her... i love her so much... my friend lilly and i are getting back friends more and more and thats great... i cant wait till skool monday to see all of them... everyone of them rox my sox so hard! and nate well he rox my sex -haha- sam... well thats my fellings for today!.. i didnt even know i had those many fellings but feelings are a good thing...