ohk... so i cant sit still sucks ya... nate just left me i wish i could talk to him -sadness- i was being such a bitch to him... not meaning to... im screwed though... everything is going back to the way it was when i was little... not knowing anything...im so scared... im losing everything slowly but im losing it... i love him i do truly from inside my heart and soul but i dont know how to show it... and i dont know how to accept the love he gives me... im afraid hes going to leave me like the rest.. i dont know...thanks everyone that si keeping me breathing.. you know who you are...baby, thanks a lot i had fun today you temporarily took me away from everything that im thinking... all this confusion.. all the pain that has been bottled up inside for 15 years.. i need to let it go.. but i cant... i dont know... i just dont know anymore...i want to be the best i can be.. and maybe i am but i cant see that...have you ever loved something so much that you were afraid to touch it or just plain out scared in general of breaking it or losing it... well thats how i am with you... you are the best thing right now... and im afraid of losing you.. maybe i think to much... once again i dont know... "God must hate me He cursed me for eternity God must hate me Maybe you should pray for me I'm breaking down and you can't save me I'm stuck in hell And I wanna go home" those simple plan lyrics are nothing but true... "How will you know i'm hurting if you can not see my pain, i wear it on my body to show what words can not explain," yes.. i found that somewhere and i liked it. Can't explain all the feelings that you are making me feel. My hearts in overdrive and you are behind the steering wheel. nate- this explains you... ohk... enough of that... yes im random... i miss you nate.. and i also miss you ashwee, and chelsea, and sam... i wish i could sleep but my body want let me.. sucks yes indeed.. im all fidgety and such.. why can i sleep in school but not when i wanna... yes school is that boring...i updated last night but it erased it TWICE so i gave up! it will be ok.. not really but im gonna make myself think that... i had cupcakes today and they were good... |nate want some cotton candy| lol i joke... hmm lets see... what to talk about??? tommorrow nate and i are suppsoed to go and listen to austin and dylan paly and nate will probably play a little. carla and dylans girlfriend should be there so that could be fun... if not nate and i will probably just hang out... im so excited about next weekend... ashleys halloween party... im staying all weekend with her and that makes me very happy... shes something awesome.. and the next weekend im having an orgy... nah.. i kid again ok im being seriously random so im outtie! -muahness ×eerleesha