why the fuck did i even wake up this morning. i feel like a major emo kid right now and NO FUCKING REASON. fear not loyal readers, i will supress my wantings to cry hysterically while writing a song no one understands. so in the past two weeks most excitement has come from this site. why did i ever leave? i've met 6 girls and countless boys wanting information on boys and girls. fuckers lol taking all my good moves. i actually had a chance to meet up with one of my readers. he only lived about 40 minutes away. that was nice. u should all try it the other night i had a boy over, he was fun i found out we both had feelings for one another, which is nice cuz for once that feeling isn't a lump in someones jeans. his dad stopped by though (dad being major religious player around here) was not happy to find his boy in the middle of a very nice blowjob. either way he's somewhere now probably with a black eye....poor kid didn't even get to climax. i've decided im going to start an alliance against those kind of people. with b eing shot and losing a boy i really like im getting royally pissed the fuck off. there's a difference between protesting what they think is moral decay, and beating it out of us. as of right now i'd gladly arm myself and mow down the Catholic church. no not yours mine, the one here the one right there glaring at me with it's cross, sometimes i think the ones they hate the most are the ones nailed upon it. We're the ones making them feel so damn holy, not some god, not some damn man who gave himself for them. He was a poor guy btw..i feel bad for him. He went through so much pain for a buncha people who really dont give a fuck about him. Christ really was one crazy SOB I went to that cafe im usually talking about, im beginning to feel like i'm off of FRIENDS always going there. but i dont care it helps me think and they have great coffee. So i was sitting there and i saw two different familys there. Had to be traveling through for something or other, maybe on there way to Chicago. But they weren't local, it's easy to tell if you jus pay attention. They weren't together, but they were from outta state. Either way the one family had a little girl and a baby boy, the other family had two older boys (older meaning about 10 and 7) and a young girl about the same age as the other familys girl (4/5) neways. sitting on opposite sides of my cozy lil java hut the two girls immediately saw one another and began shyly making faces. the two older boys were screaming making a buncha noise and jus being lil shits. and the baby ones were jus idly sitting and staring. and they're the ones i really gave a fuck about. they were so much like me in the way they could stare and think so intently on a subject. The only difference being there thought was of a fork, andhow it was cold to the touch, mine were about the rhyme scheme of a new poet i desperately wanted to beat. AFter awhile though i thought that isn't a difference afterall. Somewhere there's a man ora woman thinking the same thing about me, how my insepid lil musings are meaningless, and there thoughts on life are far greater, and somewhere there's a gentlemen sitting smoking a pipe, or an elderly woman sipping tea looking at the juvenile adult pondering life while they the intelligent and wise have moved away from life and now go over the thoughts of a death worthwhile. what bugs me most though is what next, do the dead look down upon the elderly or soon to be dead and chuckle thinking of the time they waisted doing the same, and where does it go? I've found that nothing ever truely ends, no line no life no thought, nothing ever truely ends. the diary you're reading now, if but one word sticks inside your head or appears when u close your eyes it's eternal, if my laptop explodes, if sit diary crashes if the internet shuts down my diary lives on behind ur eyelids and inside your minds. and for every boy or girl who's held my hand or caressed my knuckle they might remember how it felt against there own, so even when i die and become what i've always wanted, my hands will live on. and i've affected you somehow...then everything i've wanted to be lives on.