hello again. My father is an asshole. He has never trusted me with his family or his property sense i was about 12/13. Even though i am his first born son and all. I went through a gothicy phase which i visit now and again because eyeliner is hot and big black pants are comfortable. i've also varied in suicide, drugs, love/lust wtih ppl he hates, horrible music in his eyes, a rough crowd, a lack of interest in boyscouts, a drive to never do yardwork, and various other thinsg that bother him incessantly. So in effect we don't ever really get along. Well this fine sunday morning i awake to my mother gently shoving my shoulder. I ask her quite politely "why the hell r u waking me up". She informs me my father is missing 700 dollars from his lock box and is enraged, he is currently getting grovery's but i had better get up to meet him with a clear head. She does this because she is aware like everyone else that my brother is the good child and i am the bad one, i did after all get a tumour he has to pay for (which he hates). So i have just enough time to throw on some clothes, splash water on my face and head (recently shaved i might add) and greet him at the door. now being the simpleton and occasional idiot i am i close the door behind me and say "dad can we talk somewhere privately?" he says ok we go to the laundry room while my brother hauls in groceries for my mom. Two steps inside the laundry room i say i didn't do it, BIG MISTAKE, you see my father hates lie's and even when im NOT LYING he assumes i am which pisses him off more. so he abruptly flew into a rage and punched our drier which made a rather frightening noise, then proceeded to come after me, now i dont move fast but when you see my dad comming at you, speed is relevant. So i took off and came to my room. which he miraculously kicked off it's hinges. Came in and tripped on a shirt i had on teh floor, in this i made it over my bead and almost got into the bathroom, but he decided HEY there's a lot of stuff in here to throw. So he threw my entire stereo unit at my head, he missed thank god and it flew into a million little pieces at the door. I'm a patient guy and had no problem locking the bathroom doors and grooming, i did need to clean my nails rather thoroghly. After a fit of yelling and kicking the doors (these doors are double the width thankfully) he left to go get drunk and work. I came out and the rest of my family had gone to the country club to golf. An hour or so later my dad came home, went to his room drunk as a skunk and we haven't talked sense, he did however punch one of my windows out. I hate my dad, i shouldn't have to be afraid of that asshole but sometimes i just am. And because of this i am listening to Korn Korn has saved my life more times then i can count on fingers and toes. Truely i have no idea if they are a good band or not, beecause it was the only CD i had when i was little. And when my parents were screaming at me, or when i was secretly lusting after a boy, or pretty much netime iw as sad or depressed i would listen to korn over and over and over..eventually i got the rest of there CD's. And even now when i own literally hundreds of CD's, different artists, genres, styles, and everything else. When i am depressed, when my dad has done something or everything just SUCKS i put on korn. just because it's instinct, they are my truely my favorite drug. And i know it's simply a coincidence it was korn, i mean if i had only had a britney spears CD it'd be the same. but now the very first CD i had ever owned was korn. Next was Savage Garden which i also listen to but only when i am lonely and/or feeling lost. Third was Third Eye Blind, i just plain love them, and read to them a lot. i dunno what else to write...but i dont really trust my emotional pallette right now so i'm sure i'll write again soon. lya....colin