no, i *don't* have any idea what they're saying. i like the tune. I’m sure noone reads anyone else’s comments, and that the (for me at least) surprising backlash from the ex in ‘mezzanine’ has gone completely unnoticed. For the five (maybe) of you that actually do read and care, I feel I need… not need, I simply want to clarify that I *do* retain everything that happens to me. Why be alive if you’re avoiding your past? My past formed me, my past continues to form me, whether I’m aware of it or not, I try to be conscious of change. Confronting the problems in my past as I perceive them is not avoiding anything. I’ll say it, Ex: I do not now, nor have I *ever* had any idea what your thing was. Let me clarify a bit of history: I never gave you up, you ran away, to him, I had to let go then, you were asking me to, I *still* didn’t want to let go. Two: I dropped out *after* all that shit happened, I dropped out *because* all that shit happened, you’d already left and were making out/sleeping with/whatever with him when I dropped out for a year. There have been three events in my life that were life/perception altering and changing. Frances, Susan Budd, and The Ex. A friend of mine pointed out something rather obvious to me, now that she points it out (;p), using The Ex’s name is moot. If they don’t know who She is, then a name is meaningless, if they know who I am already, then there’s no doubt who She is that I’m talking about. …I digress, this is not, nor did it even start as being about the Ex. Frances (not The Ex, an ex, however), it started with Frances. In a nutshell, Frances was where my perceptions of how people act, react, change, treat others, whatever, my naïve perception that everyone out there wants to play nicely and get along changed with her. Rather, she reinforced that view, her father, however, whom I’m *still* not sure who he is, for whatever reason, basically forbade her to see me (we’d been going out a whole week) and threatened me if I tried to see her. It was… unimaginable to me, that kind of backlash. The more I think about all of this, the less I want to write about it. I’ve beaten this dead horse already. Ok, then nutshell. Susan, my first Great crush, died within a year after we graduated. Loss. Unexpected loss, and that death comes for us all, when we least expect it. They found she had a tumor wrapped around the base of her spine, and she was dead in three weeks, our salutatorian, or whichever the #1 person is called, always got sal- and val- confused. The Ex taught me that I shouldn’t trust blindly, I should expect some kind of return. That just because I believed with my whole heart that something wouldn’t happen, that someone would never behave in whatever way, that it wouldn’t happen. So there ya have it, don’t even know if I said whatever it was I was going to say, there ya have it. I’m off.