A little side note from the whole family business. I just really needed to say a little something on our all time favorite teacher, Mr. Matwichuk. He had a chat with my Step-brother, Justin (I shall tell you more about him later, when it is his time). And to tell you that I didn’t like the idea would be an understatement. So beside the fact that he had this chat in front of some of his students, the last word he spoke set the wheels in Justin’s head moving, something that doesn’t happen a lot. Though Justin may not say anything, he thinks it. And he sees me. Looks at me weird, when he dare to lift his head from what ever he is doing. And the worst thing is, one of the few people I thought I could trust, the last person I could trust, betrayed me, and said something so simple, that one word, ruined it all. Here is what he said. - Do you two get along? - ya, well, no, not really - and why is that - cause she's disrespectful to my dad and talks back to him and I have a lot of respect for my dad, so I don’t want anything to do with her if she talks to my dad that way - and do you know why she does that - ya, cause she's messed - No, one word: rejection. So that is the gist of their conversation. But when I heard that last word, dropping from Justin’s girlfriend’s mouth, it hurt. And I was so disappointed. I can’t believe that he would do something like that. It took me so long to trust him enough to even let him ask me questions. He usually has all these big talks with people and they come out all for he better. So how come I'm the only one who came out wrong? Why does everything I do have to turn out messed up, mangled, mutilated? Why can’t something go right for once? Does everything I do have to be wrong? Can someone tell me what to do so that nothing will ever happen like this again? I promised myself, threatened myself, plain out told myself, that I would not trust someone that threatening. And boy is he ever. He has the power to affect anyone who will listen to him. He can make some one laugh with a phrase, or hurt, like me, with a single word. So after he did what he though was best, I said I was pissed off at him and decided to play the surrogate father. Sometimes its really great when he does that, because then I forget that I don't have a real father, but most of the time I hate it. It makes me feel like shit that every father I had left me, and now I must depend on some low paid, over affectionate teacher to be that man. Its like I am some lowly being for him to pick up as his own. Am I really that pathetic? He spoke about my anger, and hurt, and how it’s easier to live in my anger and depression because it’s safe. I know. He said I needed to forgive people and to let them help people I know. He said he just planted a seed in Justin’s head and that it wouldn’t do anything. I know. He spoke about healing, and that I know nothing about it, for I am just a child. There, sir, is where you are wrong. I know that if I want to heal, I must forgive, and I cannot forgive people for what they have done. I don't think I can ever forgive myself or other people for the hurt and pain they have inflicted upon me. And what's even worse, is you set me back a step. My surrogate Father. I guess things just aren't going the way you planed hey? Welcome to my world….need a flashlight?