Today was a fun day,i go enjoy another day with my friends. I do it every weds, its almost like clockwork now. I now see so many things different now. I finally reliezed something tonight...something that i've never told anyone, and i thinks its about time i did. I think it will give me a big release from what i always refuse to tell. Lol why are things always so difficult... i give up fighting it now. Time to just live every day on a little more impulse now... maybe i should try that for a change. I spend all my time thinking, and planning or trying to predict possible outcomes about things that dont really matter , putting many of my feelings and actions on the back burner out of fear and chance of losing something greater. I'm not going to anymore... it just seems pointless. Hmm well i dont know any more about anything, i mean can anyone really predict anything? lol i'm just so worn out from everything and i feel the effects of it... one can only hold so much in. A good friend reminds me of fantasies and the joy of having them, alomst drowing in them, and that sometimes ignoring the truth is the best thing sometimes. Wise as that person is to me ... how do i feel that that is so wrong... i dont know maybe its my caffiene wearing all off but i just think i finally see the truth. Regardless of how much it frustrates me. Night...