I think its about time i updated this thing. I haven't really done that in a while. I think its about time i put down some thoughts i have had for a while. Its really hard for me to look at anything simplistically anymore, everything is so complicated now adays. I feel that the majority of it is just in my head though. I don't know it seems like people are the most confusing. No one really sees anything for face value anymore (not that thats not a bad thing) but its just something i have noticed. At our DnD weds i spend half of the time sitting and thinking about my friends, their own unique personality traits, enough their strengths ...and unfortunately their weaknesses... Not that i judge people or anything, i just see it more now... perhaps i am just unsure of my own abilities, and deverging some of that energy to seeing others better. This all sounds probably really strange to people. I'm not a very superstitious person... i am not really religous at all and i believe in a self created destiny, but i have been having alot of strange dreams lately...ones that i haven't had in a long time...deep ones and i can't help but think that i am holding back something, feelings should be expressed not surpressed...as i like to think..but i never do what i preach. Why do i do this?, i always ask myself... perhaps theres just a right time and place for things... The subconcious breeds the actions and thought of the concious.. maybe i know the right things to do but, just dont see them... or choose not to... sigh... well maybe this is just another rambling of Ryan... I have my dreams... and in the end that is all that matters.