so i got in a giant fight with brad tonight and it kinda sucked bc i dont like confertation and he was makin gme tell him why im so mad and kept calling me stubbern and stuff but im sorry i like to pick my battles and i just needed to blow off steam to brittany but no he decided once he found out i was mad that i was going to tell him. even tho i didnt want to which i have to say really didnt helpt he situation bc now there probably some drama with me and my boys and it sucks bc i hate drama and i didnt even want it i just wanted it to blow over and me not say a word. and just pick my battles. but i dotn know none the less i guess it just was not the day for that to happen. already i had a 6 hour orientation at victoria secret which went on and on. so i was tired and not wanting anything to happen. but anyways thats not why im writing in here tonight its bc i feel like i havent wrote in a while and really need to get back in to this bc i have so many things all jumbled up in my head. so here i go. this whole month is probably the lowest ive been in a long time no scratch that like the past three have been the worst. about a month ago i was so bad that i saw a really bad car accident and the first thought to mind was... i wish that was me and well thats not a normal reaction so it made me think about my life and what i want from it only to see all of that be destroyed in front of me and the one thing that i thought was the most solid in my life was just handed over to i guess you could say "my worst enemie" i know it sounds silly but ask anyone this person comes in to mylife out of no where all the time and just makes bad times worse. so this has not been a good time for me. ive started cutting again which i knwo isnt teh most sensable way to deal with things but its me how sensable am i really. i mean i write some crazy ass things in here that people probably dont understand but my fingers just type it. who knows maybe im just crazy and all of this gloom is just in my head.